Separated since 9/6; first hopeful, now dismal...

[newton0]

My wife left after we got into a row & was staying with a friend since. She joined me in therapy & we commenced dating, but refused to come home nor did we have any serious talk about what we wanted to do regarding the marriage despite my repeated asking. After several months of her showing zero interest in me sexually, I began to get disenfranchised & frustrated. She was extremely depressed and refused to follow any of the therapist's advice.

In November I stopped pursuing and we essentially stopped communicating while I continued therapy. She was sleeping more and always negative about everything. I made an appointment for her with our doctor & she was diagnosed with Lyme disease and mono. She also started anti-depressants, but stopped talking them because she did not like Wellbutrin. I told her she needed to talk to the doctor about trying another medication, but she refused.

I stayed low, and out of frustration began seeing a woman I had met on Match.

The couple she was renting a room from, moved out at the beginning of this month, and was hoping this would prompt her to do something about re-engaging me to begin working on our marriage or at the very least declare it was over.

She did neither, instead informing me that she was going to lease an apartment for six months because she wanted to feel 'secure'.

Our therapist thinks she is physically and mentally ill and wanted me to try to get her to a walk-in psychiatric evaluation, but she refused.

I am disheartened as she said she made the apartment decision in a panic. I asked her to give it more time, but it seems she has committed to that direction. I asked her how this was going to help our relationship to which she had no answer.

So now I am stuck. We've made zero progress in four months regarding our relationship. We've slept together twice in that time frame (no sex), but she expresses no interest in coming home. When I get passive-aggressive and threaten divorce, she simply says 'ok'. Yet she asked if I want to do something this weekend, and asked if she could 'borrow' some furniture for her apartment.

The whole situation is crazy. She was supposed to take this time to get her head together and figure out what she wanted out of life and out of our relationship. She has done neither, and states she simply feels 'lost'.

What do I do now?

Let her go and go dark while continuing therapy & working on myself? Continue in this quasi-relationship where nothing gets resolved or moves in any direction? Some hybrid combination of the two?

I also really like the woman I have been seeing and she like me.

It's a frustrating, place to be as on one hand, I'm trying satisfy my needs while clinging on to the bare threads of our near 10-year marriage.

I guess it may simply come down to me getting to a point where enough is enough and simply moving on...