i know, it is soo sad isn't it? that they are the ones that become soooo deeply imbedded in our hearts, lives, souls- and then, ka bam. mlc??? i do not know anymore.
i feel crazy alot and wonder if he never ever was the person i thought he was. if he was just "trying on" working man personna after school years - and then when he retired, he just took off that "jacket" and put on another. a guy i don't know & don't like (morally anyway) - just like that- pow. different person.
discarding that life and me with it- did that make sense?.
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Had I had the knowledge that I have now when this was all beginning, I may not have been able to stop it, but I sure would not have felt sooooo very stunned. In hindsight, it only felt like BD came out of the blue, but I see now that all the signs were there. I just never knew what to look for.
me too- so, do you ever feel that allll those years, allll that love & commitment and a whole "lifetime" were wasted with him, on him? it's a bum outlook - but some days i do, most days i don't (i guess, or why would i be bothering here)
it's allll soooo complex and convoluted isn't it-
i'm going to go work on some junk-removal- still trying with de-cluttering my life. maybe if i can just load car and get it out of my face- it will make me feel like i accomplished soemthing in life and quit moaning.
it's that kind of day- no faith, no hope- dreary getting sick and just a miserable sack of Sh_t in general. sorry for the downer-
have a nice day- thank you and drive thru please.....
xxo f.y.i. - (my post to you was saying same thing pretty much you just said- we'd recognize the signs and know what we were seeing - when we were seeing it. i agree- there is hope on that front- if we can wade thru this miserable period of our life and get thru it "to the other side" - hey, i need to remember and begin singing spirituals. had a teacher in grammar school who made us learn quite a few. it's the "theme" there: rotten life being a slave - but get thru it and there's Milk & honey on the other side. a good thought.
i want to feel more STRENGTH today and i want to feel more HOPE - AND REALLY, all i can muster is the pitiful knowledge that it won't kill me and one of these days, weeks, months, years - it will be done & gone and all a bad memory. somehow -some way...
