I am sure we could find a use for that bottle of wine busting 😉 And yes he is willing to go to counseling in order to move forward with this relationship.
Gabby- I understand your confusion. It comes down to me needing more from my H ( what I am not sure, more time, more emotional support, more of a feeling he is with me, in a relationship. I don't know. It's undefinable for me right now. )
H knows he is holding back but doesn't know exactly what. Only that he is afraid of totally losing himself again and becoming bitter and resentful again. H needs to be needed. He will give to the detriment of what he wants to make others happy. Not just sometimes, all the time. He is working on this. He has stated all the above in our convo.
My thought is he is so afraid of the pattern being repeated that he will not now allow any compromise to what would make me happy at his expense. Like if I said I really would like you to spend an extra night when I know he is happier in his own space when he has work the next day. I think he is not sure how to give and compromise.
He has admitted that he loves to see me happy and is scared he would begin to sacrifice his own happiness for mine. It makes him happy to see me happy. And then he is not sure if it is because I'm happy that he is happy or it's his own happiness. Lol. Okay that does sound confusing.
This relationship has been co dependent for our entire marriage. Now we are at the point of recognizing the pattern but not having all the tools to move forward without resentments and anger. Hence the need for a counselor.
He is happy in this space but I am not. We both acknowledge the others place and want to see how we can work together to go forward. I want him to make me more of a priority and he does not know how because he still has a hard time saying no and is afraid of hurting me when he does. So I don't ask because I know he can't give at this moment. Yet I want more.
So. Lots of work and we will see what it looks like. As I said he is willing to go to counseling to begin working on this relationship, instead of breaking it off. I did say if he couldn't be in the relationship 100% he had to go. 100% to him and me meant different things.
He also said that the thought of no relationship with me gave him no sense of " whew" or that it was the right thing. On the contrary it made him know he wanted it.
I am not even sure it makes sense to anyone else lol. I only know that we need someone to facilitate our growth. I don't see my needs as unreasonable and he doesn't see the situation as it is lacking. So we need more tools in our tool boxes people!!
