melissag VIII - but I'm afraid to have no fear!

[melissag]

Hi GM, thanks for your thoughts. I see what you are saying . . . at first, I felt really good about ML. Then, when the talking stopped and it was just ML, I wondered if I was being used. That was making me angry. Now that he has said what he has said (that he enjoys it emotionally and physically, but has no desire to be married to me or anyone else now or ever), I can't work out whether that amounts to being used or not.
Or maybe just the fact that he acts like nothing happened the next day is enough for me to feel used. That may be the answer. I think it is probably safer not to ML (if the opportunity arises again) and see how that feels.

The problem with going with how I feel is that most things involving H these days seem to feel bad, simply because of the sitch. It's all a matter of degree.

I go back and forth at the moment between thinking that if I am to ML with H, or really have any kind of R with H, he must fully commit to the M; and that we are starting over with a new R and it's one where we are not M - that I should go with that and see where it goes. The part that keeps me stuck is the thought that we are M, and whether to have any expectations around that. Can you go backwards once you are M?

What if we get D, and then we would go out sometimes and have a physical R? Then I guess the rules would be like we are dating . . . and where would my boundaries be then? I am wondering if it is my desire to be M to my H that is making me feel used or dissatisfied with the physical R. Maybe I should think of it the same way I would if he was a guy I was dating. Would I like it if we ML and then he didn't call me the next day? Hmm. Probably not.