That was, to H s knowledge, the culmination of a few days thought.
We here know that I have been walking myself to this for a few months now.
Not easy, but I said what had to be said and let him know that if he wanted to try to ask.
Well he did. He told me he loved me and would not be in this relationship if he didn't want to be here, he also stated that we have kids, financials and are best friends, so he didn't know what something else would look like. I explained that we would parent together, that I would give up our joint activities and we could come to an agreement on the finances.
Notice I left out the best friends bit....
While we talked, I said that while I understood his fear of falling back into the same thing, of him giving until nothing is left and his need to make others happy at his own expense, that he was holding something back. That while I did not need a declaration of 100% in, that I needed more! but did not know exactly what that was! only that I was missing something I could not articulate either.
We both agreed that he was not sure what he could give and I was not sure what I could accept to make this work. That we had to meet half way, but we both were not sure what that looked like or entailed.
I asked if he would see a couples counsellor to give us some ideas on how we could go about this, since neither of us had the tools to do it ourselves. He said absolutely, although it might take a few sessions or counsellor a until we find one that is a fit for us ( his words).
The upshot is I am happy with the fact that I set out what I feel and that this is not enough. It allowed him to be able to open up and say that he is giving what he can. Hopefully we can go forward from here.
