Newbie needs help:husband left Saturday

[Ambivalent]

Hi, sorry you're here. Here is one of the best places to be though. Lots of experience and lots of support.

Your husband has moved fast and with stealth. PROTECT yourself.

Find out if your state frowns upon adultery. Believe me, you already have proof, and this is paramount when it comes to support, and custody.

Go through the charge card bills, online, paper, and gather as much info. as you can.

Stop beating yourself up, two arguments...HA! You must have been an angel! If that is the only thing!

Stay calm, funny, if you knew me you'd say uh suuuure! Set some goals.

Look at how much you all spent a month, the kids needs, household expenditures and get in to file a Pendente Lite. THIS is imperative, for you have minor children.'

You can still DB , stay your best, but get in and protect you, your children and your home!

This affair started in deceit, it has a strike against it already. Don't confront him about her, let it play out...it will. You will become the other woman, and she has to compete with you. You have the history, you have the family, you are going to be his best friend!

He still wants the family...SHE does not have this! Start reading about boundaries, cake eating, pursuing and withdrawal.

If you can manage it, start or continue to exercise, and do something on a regular basis just for you. You will need the energy to be there for the kids and to be your best.

Let him have the kids on a regular basis...without you...eventually the honeymoon will be over and the reality will set in. Your daughter knows YOU are her mom, and she will see that she is not.

Start a journal of happenings, for you and for your atty.

You will find proof of his infidelity and this will not bode well IF it comes to something down the road.

The more approachable you are, the more you will be an awesome person. You will show your children that you aren't ugly, but if you feel sad, or angry, do not lie to them. Be honest and try to model healthy release of these emotions.

You can do this, we are here to help, and to support your decisions. Best advice I was given, WAIT 24 -48 hours before responding and try NOT to react.

This is tough, crappy, unfair, seedy, all the adjectives that are in your head. You did not create this, you are not to blame . This is his behavior, and issues. Given time it will hit him...hang in there and like everyone said...find out your rights!