wife hardens heart-6

[planet]

Thank you. Sometimes I just need a little whack on the head.
I understand it's not entirely my fault and have accepted that. Compared to months back, I would have taken the blame entirely.

It's just that XW makes it so much as my mom's fault all the time. I have begun to notice a pattern here. It's the damn elephant in the room that I failed to see all this while.
xMIL even go as far as saying this..
"You always listened to your mother. Your mom should take the blame too"
What 'things' did mom whispered to me!? I mean seriously?
Mom never said XW is a bad choice, bad mother, bad wife, bad cook, bad person, etc...
Mom never demanded that I should be filial and that I should visit more often. My dad said its ok that i stopped giving them allowances.
I'm not playing down my mom's forwardness. She can be really 'direct' in her choice of words. Fortunately, we are aware of this and don't attach much importance to it. Unfortunately, it offends other people and XW took much of it personally. I understand this and XW is just being herself. Nothing wrong with that. XW didn't feel the love she wanted from mom.
There's way too much misunderstanding going on here.

XW don't really tell me my fault in the marriage as she focused lot of blame on my mom. What am I suppose to change if she's not clear on this?
Just getting her to sit down and talk about the kids is a real challenge. It's so frustrating. What am I not doing right here? What other ways I could do?

D4's birthday is coming soon and this have to happen. What rotten luck. I guess I just have to make the best of it. Get my kids away from all of our nonsense.