wife hardens heart-6

[planet]

Thank you. Sometimes I just need a little whack on the head.
I understand it's not entirely my fault and have accepted that. Compared to months back, I would have taken the blame entirely.

It's just that XW makes it so much as my mom's fault all the time. I have begun to notice a pattern here. It's the damn elephant in the room that I failed to see all this while.
xMIL even go as far as saying this..
"You always listened to your mother. Your mom should take the blame too"
What 'things' did mom whispered to me!? I mean seriously?
Mom never said XW is a bad choice, bad mother, bad wife, bad cook, bad person, etc...
Mom never demanded that I should be filial and that I should visit more often. My dad said its ok that i stopped giving them allowances.
I'm not playing down my mom's forwardness. She can be really 'direct' in her choice of words. Fortunately, we are aware of this and don't attach much importance to it. Unfortunately, it offends other people and XW took much of it personally. I understand this and XW is just being herself. Nothing wrong with that. XW didn't feel the love she wanted from mom.
There's way too much misunderstanding going on here.

XW don't really tell me my fault in the marriage as she focused lot of blame on my mom. What am I suppose to change if she's not clear on this?
Just getting her to sit down and talk about the kids is a real challenge. It's so frustrating. What am I not doing right here? What other ways I could do?

D4's birthday is coming soon and this have to happen. What rotten luck. I guess I just have to make the best of it. Get my kids away from all of our nonsense.

[planet]

I arrived exactly at 10am to pick up my kids n There weren't around. Waited for awhlie b4 calling XW as I thought they might hv gone out to run some quick errands. I was getting restless n I checked the agreed time. I made an honest mistake as I was suppose to come @ 9am.

Called XW many times but she didn't pick up. I don't know if she's playing tit for tats but I'm truly honest in making my mistake. I apologize to her and asked if she remembered the agreed dates via text She replied that she only agreed to friday and I hv spent that time with the kids and not today. I don't know if she's feigning loss of memory but I do not wish to play silly games.

She must hv thought that I did it on purpose. I must admit I'm never gd at remembering things. Perhaps it's time I input my schedules in my mobile.

I texted what time it's ok with her today. No response yet.

BTW, I haven't been successful in taking D5 out but she could play with me at home. Patience. Lots of it.

[JayMan]

This is not a question meant to make you feel bad, but why is it so hard for you to be on time?

[planet]

I got the time wrong today. I'm usually on time for everything.

I'm terrible at remembering dates like birthdays and special occasions. That upsets XW very much. I even forget own birthday.

I have made use of my phone schedule function for important dates. I did not use this function unfortunately for my schedules involving my daughters

[planet]

D5 showed me her drawing during my visit today. There was an adult with long hair and wore glasses.
I asked who that was. D5 replied that the person was me.
I asked why am I crying. D5 replied that papa was losing his children.
I don't know what to make of this. I don't think I've ever cried in front of them. I certainly didn't mean to come off looking sad. Maybe during the initial months but I haven't been sad over the D.
Anyway, told the girls that they will never loose me.

[labug]

Kids draw things they're feeling. Maybe tears is the only way she knew to represent sadness.

Many times our children know our feelings before we do. Kids have to pick up on things because adults don't often share their feelings with kids.