melissag VIII - but I'm afraid to have no fear!

[melissag]

3, thanks for commiserating with me today.

LITB, thanks for your post. I know . . . I have to take whatever sh!t my H chooses to lay on me, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it, so yeah yeah, I have to make the best of it and not be bitter. I KNOW that. But I still think it's just BS that this can happen. If my H wants to choose to be a part time parent because it's worth it to him, more power to him. But it's not right for me to lose my kids 50% of the time. And I agree with 3, if I knew that I would only get to see my kids 50% of the time, I wouldn't have had kids. (That's not to say that I regret having them, of course not, I love my kids; they are my everything.)

I wish I had known all this stuff (like that he can't handle any kid of expectations or obligations) about my H BEFORE we got married. Or maybe (probably, in retrospect) I did and I was too stupid to pay attention.

BTW, I am generally positive and confident (and attractive if I do say so! ) Just have these thoughts that I need to get out sometimes.

[melissag]

Betsey, thank you. You are right. It is better than my H agreeing that he wants to go and then being secretly resentful about it.

It's just the same frustration I had during the M. He has two modes. Doormat and a$shole. He is not good at asking for what he needs, so he doesn't. Then he decides he REALLY needs something, or he is tired of not getting what he wants (which is clearly someone else's fault for not providing, not his own for not asking), so he comes out with fists flying. I don't suppose my punishing him for being an as$hole was helpful to this problem . . . in retrospect I should have been more understanding and tried to talk it through instead of taking it personally. So I will do what you suggested and just let it go - my response to him was, "OK, thanks." No point in pointing out that he could have been kinder. That was one of the first things I learned in terms of BD. Nothing I point out will carry any weight with him - it hasn't for several years, so why would it now?

It does seem like he has figured out how to be less doormat, that's good. Now maybe less as$hole would be nice . . . Also, I appreciated that you said he might not want to do things that he normally likes doing. I feel like he is definitely doing that. At least, with respect to things he did with me. Or that were my idea. It is totally like a petulant child, or maybe a rebellious teenager. He's really exercising his "I don't have to answer to anyone" privilege right now. I also noticed that many of the things he used to resist when I asked him to do (said he didn't like, or just wasn't capable of - like decorating for Christmas, or doing crafts with the kids (!), or planning anything), he seems to enjoy doing (without me, of course) since it's his idea now.

You're right, I need to leave him alone on the playground.

[25yearsmlc]

Melissa,

I won't edit but I will use your words so I don't have to rely on my memory and so this will APPEAR really long...and probably really is. Here we go!

First off, don't know how I missed that you are a L, (as am I) but may I assume you know Colorado has a new formula for alimony and CS? If you don't, then you can look it up b/c I just did. Interesting and a bit murky still.

25, don't edit on my account! You may have noticed that I have a bad case of diarrhea of the keyboard myself. All your stuff is good and what I need to hear, so please don't edit any of it out!

25, willbwell, RT and UD . . . wow. Just wow. Thank you. I have been struggling quite a bit the past few days and what a lift it was to see all your kind words and thoughtful advice.

Here comes the diarrhea . . .

I have been having so much trouble lately trying to figure out how to deal with H. How to interact with him. How much to interact with him. Whether to move closer or pull away. And generally driving myself crazy. I have gained more clarity on a couple of things, though.

I am still (though trying to keep it a secret even from myself) putting too much thought into what will make my H do something or think something, or say something. I need to be thinking of what I need. So that's what I am going to do. I am going to follow my instincts and act accordingly. If I feel that it is OK to say, go to dinner with him and the kids, I will.

Makes sense to me. Just requires frequency "check ins" with yourself about what your motivation is. For me, the biggest problem was actually wanting to say or do something punitive, under the guise of it being "just" and "fair", when in reality I wanted h to feel some consequences for his choices.

I discussed that with my DB coach and she sagely said, "it's not your job to 'teach your h a lesson' or 'show him the consequences" of his choices. LIFE does that for them."....

Remind yourself of that^^ when needed. And don't assume for a minute that your h won't ever feel those consequences. Even lawyers can only justify bad choices for so long...and then look in the mirror and find the "defendant" is them.


I do know that, at least for now, there will be no more ML. I don't think that I can feel good about myself ML with him when he has essentially told me that it's no strings sex.

I understand this^^ completely. Unlike some, I chose to keep intimacy in our R even during the sep b/c it was h's love language and b/c I was mostly okay with it. There were times I worried about pushing him away by not having it, but it was a fluid thing.

My DB coach said "that's way too personal to let anyone else tell you what to do" and she's right. There are some here who will insist you are a fool for ever ML to him (even while trying to piece) b/c of the STDs out there.

Yes they exist but I must tell you, fear of an STD NEVER EVER Crossed my mind b/c my h is an MD and there's just no way that would happen without effort on his end. He's a health nut and for me, the reason I would have stopped, would have been if he filed or said he was going to...OR If there was an OW, my ego probably would not have allowed me to continue.

FYI, my h never admitted we were heading for a divorce. Seemed okay to him to live 3000 miles away and "visit often" as if he was merely commuting..."until d16 finishes high school". I never agreed to that and specifically said no, so he only heard what he wanted to hear.

You are right to decide this for yourself. If it changes, it changes. Please, Don't ask us for permission.



I did go ahead and ask him if he wants to go to the NBA game we have tickets to Saturday, because I feel that I can enjoy spending time with him and not be more hurt. If that turns out to be wrong, I will not do that again for a while. I just don't think that I can make a rule of limited contact or dim or dark or grey or whatever . . . I feel like the situation is fluid and I need to be able to roll with it. But, I will do so depending on how I am feeling, not how I think H is feeling or how he will respond.

Understood...makes sense. Sounds smart and reasonable.

I have been GALing, I have a great support system, I have made so many improvements to myself, and am regaining my self esteem,


GOOD!!! Just curious, any comment on your faith? I'm not at all a preacher, but wanted to ask so I know what not to suggest...


But in many ways I am still stuck. I am not moving forward, not because I am unable to focus on me and not my H, but because I am not breaking through a few specific hurdles that are holding me back.

I am ready to start removing those roadblocks. The first one is my house. You would never guess it by walking in (people tell me it looks like it's a model home and nobody lives here, ha ha!) but it's a total disorganized mess (drawers, closets, etc.), full of a bunch of crap I don't need and is weighing me down. When I try to tackle this project, it becomes very emotional/painful for me, and it seems too overwhelming. So, I am going to hire a professional organizer to come help me go through it. I know that I will feel liberated once I can get it done, and it's well past time to do it.


Good plan and I totally relate to this^^. We bought "the dream house" at H's urging, (I specifically felt we were taking on a big property with a lot of work attached but interpreted his choices as meaning he would stop carping about wanting to live in Alaska).

Recently I asked him if he knew when we bought this house, that he'd want to move there and in fact would...He denies that he knew then and seems honestly to believe that.

But only 10 weeks after we moved in, he went up to Alaska and didn't tell me until after he was there...and when we sep, he left the huge yard, pool and 5600 sq ft house all up to me to handle...

Now we are selling it, probably at a loss. (Not related to the marriage, but definitely related to his choices at the time b/c they were costly). His confusion & poor choices have cost us a fortune in money and time we cannot earn again, but then again, he works hard & makes a good living, so I cannot really complain.

We are lucky in that respect, b/c even if we short sell the house, he's not unemployed and we are not on public assistance, and our youngest has a college fund, etc. We'll be able to rent a lovely home and still be paying less than our insane mortgage. And yes we'll be able to buy again.


But dang I put a LOT of my soul into making this house nicer and upgraded, only to see all that effort and money...SIGH...but there are many who have it much worse.

Mainly it feels like an albatross, so I look forward to whatever happens to it, happening and being over.

I think I'll also call an organizer b/c we have my deceased MIL's things in our garage ("for the older kids" who both live in tiny apartments and need about 1/4 of it....)

You are not alone. And this part of the story is not fully related to the marital situation b/c it sounds as if some of this stuff weighs you down, anyhow. True?


I also have a lot of fears around the process of D and the end result. Yet I still need to process a lot of anger on this front before I can move forward. As most of you know, H and I went to law school together and both had successful careers pre-kids. When D9 was born, we made a deal that he would work and I would be a SAHM. I have now been out of work for 9+ years . . . I can't possibly make anywhere near as much money as he can.

This is how it looks to me:

I will have to get a job (likely FT);
My kids will end up sitting in the kids club at school, or with a babysitter;
I will have to sell the house and move into a smaller one, or older one, or farther away;
We will be able to take fewer vacations and do fewer fun activities; and worst of all;
I will miss out on 50% of my children's childhood.


This ^^ is "stinking thinking" and you are making the worst case scenario, YOURS...but is it really? Are there no advantages to any of this? Not just more money but also your self esteem as a professional and getting some pats on the back from colleagues (or a bonus, or a certificate, or a cake, or praise or whatever it is that we do NOT get when we are home with kids.) Plus, more money means MORE Trips, not fewer and if you do work FT as a L, at some point soon there will be more money,not less. I mean, if your h pays his share, etc.

I would not trade my time with the kids for anything, but I think stay at home moms have it harder than we SOMETIMES care to admit.

We grab onto this when it is being taken from us, but in truth, there were always days I wished I could have some adults around a few hours a day. Try to see the good parts of this b/c they are real. And besides, what choice do you have?

Also, you said earlier, in the past, you did not trust something within the m, or him, to really let yourself stop criticizing your h. You had walls up.

Was it being at home all day, or something you sensed in him, that is NOW coming to light?? OR will this always be a chicken or the egg debate?

Also-- who says you MUST work as a L?

After 7 years of being a sahm, I chose NOT to practice law for awhile, and to get a teaching credential b/c it helps keep the kids schedules the same as mine, no need to hire daycare in the summer/holidays, and the pay here, well a new lawyer makes about what a teacher makes, but a new L cannot go home for dinner every night or take weeks off in the summer and Christmas. Just a thought.

I am PISSED. Somehow H can make a unilateral decision to renege on our deal; to do his own selfish thing, then to take his (our) money and my (our) children with him. When I have given up my career, and my priority and focus all these years have been my kids.

HIS VIEW, MAYBE: "I worked full time while SHE got to stay home and be with the kids. I earned ALL the money and what do I get for it? A critical ungrateful w and kids who need a lot from me and I'm tired b/c I work hard all day and all I have is THIS??

The LEAST I deserve is my freedom...and I"m a great dad b/c I will pay the court orders and get my daddy fixes periodically, which proves I am not my dad...




It seems so messed up - he gets the benefit of having worked these years,


Not to quibble but to realize HE has a different view and it's not that productive of you to forget...

Be open...don't you get ANY benefit from HIS having worked those years? How about being able to have had those years TIME with the kids? He didn't. And what about nice trips and a good house?? Shoot, you may even have assets!


and he still gets the kids half the time (theoretically), whereas I get much less of the financial benefit of his working, but keep the burden of my not working; AND I lose half the time with my kids. I can't work out how this is in the least bit fair.


Okay, only b/c I got totally enmeshed in the vortex of "fairness/justice", I am going to give you a small 2 x 4. But trust me, my DB coach had to tell me this more than once....

Is this FAIR? No... Want to know what ELSE is not fair? Most AFRICAN's lives...

For that matter, more than 90% of women in the world, do not have access to decent health care, or shelter with electricity and indoor plumbing or a refrigerator with food in it...which you know will still have food in it, next week. Perhaps a billion cannot vote, or hold jobs or attend school. Millions do not know if their h's are coming home at all, or if they are alive at all. Millions cannot worship at all, or MUST worship in someone else's way...

Life is not fair. But your situation puts you ahead of most women, globally.

This perspective may not help you much now. It may irritate you too. I get that. But now and then, I had a few "aha" moments about the big picture and it helped me get my big girl panties on and snap out of my funk. Just saying...



If someone else wrote this, I know what I would say. I know what the answer is. But emotionally, I am not there yet. I am still in tantrum mode and feel like yelling "THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!" I just haven't gotten to this part yet. I am still so focused on grieving the loss of my H and what I thought my future was going to be, that I can't even start this work yet. I am counting it as a positive step that I recognize it is holding me back, and it's on my to-do list.

Give yourself TIME to process this. It will happen. Sadly, I discovered there is no "fast forward" button.

However I did find some GAL activities got me thru evenings and whole days where I did not think about my situation or h.

Find those GAL, and do them...A LOT.


As far as legal issues go . . . I have already been to a lawyer. Didn't learn much I didn't already know. We agreed a long time ago that we would handle this with mediation. My H claimed back then that he would give us well more than any court would order as far as financial support goes. We'll see what happens when it's real.

MY L once said "Mediation only helps the higher earner" (b/c the formulas were pretty clear) but perhaps that only applies here. You have your eyes open, and as you said, we'll see what happens when it's real.

I have spent countless hours in therapy, on this site, reading, talking with friends, digging deep and working on recognizing the changes I need to make, and making them. But there is still so much work to do.

Yep, but you are doing it. The work is this^^^^, and TIME.


I realized today that I am still judging my H. I am doing it less, but I am still doing it. It is obviously a protective reaction . . . if I can blame my H or think he is bad, it takes the burden off of me. Well, that's the flawed logic, of course. This habit has gotten me nowhere good in the past. And I realized I have more work to do in this realm.

Join the club! You are so, not alone!

Same for this kind of thing . . . I can see that indeed, my H will lose far more in a D than I will. Even if he does have the kids 50% of the time. (BTW, UD, my H sees the kids almost every day of the week, and has them overnight two nights a week.)

I am not sure he'll stick with so much custody. Don't be shocked if his social life, for awhile, takes up MORE of his time. Plus You may want some predictability b/c turns out WE ALL like a night or two "without obligations".

Also guilt can push him away too.

(Backfires as a weapon to get them home, btw. I have never seen someone return home in shame, and stay. Don't bother guilting him).

Just Be prepared for him to back off after a few painful questions come from the kids. You ought not be the one to answer all those questions.

Your kids won't only ask YOU the hard questions. They will ask him eventually, why he isn't living in the same house. Let HIM answer...trust me, it's not easy.

To this day, my h recalls with horror, the tears of our oldest D when he was leaving. I don't know how he could still do that. But he did. And he came back. But their R is not the same.

My h has DEEP remorse about this.

For me, it would be monumentally difficult to live with myself and see that my kids resented me for things I actually did that hurt them. But that's not my problem; it's his. I can only assist and support him in working to repair the R's he has.

Your h has a mountain to climb he does not yet know of. I already pity him. Seriously...way more than I pity you. Sounds weird, I know.

You see, a WAS ALWAYS has to wonder if they have done the right thing (unless the LBSer makes it easy for them. You make it easy for them by being negative and chasing them away, which confirms all the negative reasons they gave themselves for leaving.... When their LBS makes good positives changes and there are kids...how does the WAS keep on justifying such a destructive act?


From what I learned from my h at Retrovaille (a retreat for marriages in crisis, sorry if I"m repeating myself), it's not easy. My h had DEEP guilt about all this. He likened it to "wrecking the family car and not knowing if any passengers would live." And he was crying when he said that and he's not a crier.

What a thing to have to live with...

WHEREAS the LBSer who makes the right changes, has no regrets. We did what we could when we could, to repair the damage our character flaws caused.

WE chose our children and our marriages over our personal interests and we put our kids first. I will never regret that. We made the best of a lousy situation.

But every time a WAS has a bad day/night/ or date, every time their new OM/OW does not know something their spouse knew, or has a different opinion than they do, or a bad relationship with the new family....or forgets a food allergy or hate a song he loves...or a hundred other things that they will NOT exceed the LBSer in....the WAS will wonder if they made the right choice.

When the WAS is happy and things are going well, there will still be moments when the wonder if they could have stayed with their families and enjoyed the same thing with THEM...


Every time the LBS is happy and free appearing, the WAS will wonder if they might have missed something....

When the events of a child's life are missed, (birthdays, first baseball games, graduations, communion, any achievement, or their broken hearts, the WAS parent knows he/she has missed a piece of their parenting joy and duty...it eats at them in a way that the LBS does not have to face.

The WAS is the one who left. So, IF the reasons for leaving are removed, (i.e. the changes the LBSer needed to make, were made) how can a WAS NOT Wonder about returning and

how can they Not wonder about their choices?

But the LBSer has no such qualms. WE make the best of a bad situation and we create happy lives for ourselves b/c we must.


But I am ashamed to say, this doesn't give me much solace unless he realizes that this is true. I know . . . this goes back to the above where I admitted that I am too focused on my H and his feelings, and where I said I am still judging my H. I don't know exactly where this comes from - am I just a selfish person? Do I need everyone to see things my way? Do I need to "win"? I don't feel like any of those are true (anymore), yet I still find myself with these petty thoughts sometimes.

25, I admit that I have been unable to imagine my life five years from now, happy without my H. I have no idea what that looks like.

Well this is pretty darn new for you. But I do recommend it. Pretend that he died yesterday, and it's five years from now...and despite his death, you are happy.

What would THAT look like?


The idea of imagining another man in my life - I can't even fathom it right now.

Don't need a new man yet. Just flesh out the other parts b/c what I really want you to do is come up with a few things you imagine yourself doing and enjoying,
that do not require him...and DOING them now.

You really can create some fulfilling things for your life sooner than you realize. Embrace the upside of this terrible situation b/c there is one.

The sooner your h sees you moving forward and NOT waiting for him, almost as if you are not being abandoned but simply moving forward b/c you are great catch and HE is losing someone very important to him...someone not easily replaced...

well, we'll see, won't we? But don't just REACT to his choices. Live your life.


Also be as loving as you can be, as warm as you can be, about not ML anymore. Meaning, you want him to remember it well. You want him to miss it with YOU...so you can still joke and flirt at times, but then be busy and go out.

A little mystery now would be a good good thing for YOU to have around him.

Remember that part of the 40 rules, "act as if you have had an awakening", except I really want you to have one.

And I do believe where the head goes, the heart will follow, if we let it.



That's not to say that I think my H is the best man on earth and I will never find another (though, as you said, there is a reason we got married, after all). I think it's more that I am so knee deep in this grief right now that I just don't see that; and I feel that with kids it is too complicated; and that I feel like if I did find someone, I wouldn't want to get married again, but I can't fathom a R that goes nowhere either . . . these are all things I am nowhere near addressing, of course.

Your grief is clouding your vision and that's normal. You are painting a darker sky than exists. TIME + healthy GAL steps and positive cognitive patterns, will help you. Yes, I mean "think more positively." It's causative. I think for lawyers it's harder b/c we are trained to plan for the worst.

Let's not live that way.

I just don't know . . . I know I can have happy times. I can imagine five years from now, going on vacation with my kids and having fun. Being with good friends and enjoying myself. Maybe having a job that fulfills me (though I have no idea what that is).


Then begin, with this^^^^...


But I still see that cloud hanging overhead. The cloud that is there because our family is broken.

If you cannot change it, it's as useful as bemoaning the fact that your h might have gotten killed in a car crash or a tree could fall on him in a storm or he could get cancer. Would you always see that cloud??

Would you lay in the fetal position and if so, for how long? Again, I remind you, your kids are watching you more than you realize.
Someday each of them will face heartbreak or a setback or betrayal.

You must model for them what a woman of strength and dignity does then.

Yes you are in deep pain but your pain is NOT fatal.

Yes it still hurts, but your pain is NOT eternal.

You will heal and you will love and be loved, again.

YES I DO KNOW THIS.


I have IC today and I think I am ready to really start focusing on me and what I want and need to make me happy. I am going to ask my C to help me with this, starting today.

I think that I lost a lot of myself in this M, and I need to find it again to know that I will be OK without H. It's definitely a process, but at least I have my work cut out for me.

I know I can do it.

I know you can too. You are so far ahead of where I was at this point. Good for yoU!

As I was typing this, I had a short text convo with H - there is an event coming up that we all usually go to (actually, it was just me and H for about 5 years, then we started bringing the kids 2 years ago), and I thought we needed to figure out how that was going to go this year. So I put on my big girl panties and just said what I needed.

M: I would like to take the kids to XYZ on DATE; I don’t know if you had planned to go. I am happy to all go together, but it is important to me to be able to take the kids one way or the other. Let me know your thoughts.

H (20 seconds later): I'm not interested in going. You are welcome to take the kids. I'll put it on my calendar.

And when I read that, it stung - not because he doesn't want to go, but because of the way he talks to me. Maybe I am just oversensitive because of years of feeling slighted by him, but the "I'm not interested in going" just came across as kind of cold and mean to me.

But then I remembered - this is the way he has always talked to me.

Good insight. And a bit of a splash of cold water, correct? "Oh yeah, he was always curt like that..." Plus, if he had insisted on going, there would be other troubles with that. This is the best answer he could reasonably give, imo.



And he claims that it's not intended to be rude or cold, so therefore I should quit nagging him.



Then quit nagging him. Seriously.

I no longer complain or nag about something if it's not something I would divorce my h for. Yep.

Once I say "I need you to do X", if my h does not, I either do it myself or preferably I hire someone (cha ching!!) to do it b/c my h did not. NO more nagging fights about stuff that is not that important.

If I'm not willing to leave him for the "issue" - then the issue is not an important enough issue to fight about often. IT's just negative spinning.
.

Oh 25, how right you are. He is losing way more in a D than I am.

YES HE IS...and in his case, he will realize it.

My fear is that he won't realize it til you are moved on but don't let that hinder your movement.

You can move on and still decide to turn around, if he made it worth your while. HE knows how to find you and how to court you and all that. He's a L and he can make an argument.

For now, he's closed off to the realities that only reality can show him.



I say set him free. You cannot do his journey for him. But you can and should do yours.

I believe you when you say you lost yourself in the m. That can make us less appealing b/c really we are bringing less to the table when we wrap ourselves around our family.

Go back to being the woman he fell in love with.

Be a woman only a fool would leave. And enjoy being her. Truly.

[Fartiltre]

Have you read: Codependent No More?

[2stubborn2quit]

[quote=melissag]
I am PISSED. Somehow H can make a unilateral decision to renege on our deal; to do his own selfish thing, then to take his (our) money and my (our) children with him. When I have given up my career, and my priority and focus all these years have been my kids. It seems so messed up - he gets the benefit of having worked these years, and he still gets the kids half the time (theoretically), whereas I get much less of the financial benefit of his working, but keep the burden of my not working; AND I lose half the time with my kids. I can't work out how this is in the least bit fair.
/quote]

The kids need him as much as he needs them. Time with them can't count as a "thing you get" and lumped in with money. I know how you feel, I thought that way too but that's just that. They need their dad and if you try to limit that, they'll just grow up fantasizing about life with him and blame you for everything wrong with their life.

He absolutely needs to support you financially and support you if you need to take classes to kickstart your career but the kids have absolutely nothing to do with this aspect.

[melissag]

The kids need him as much as he needs them. Time with them can't count as a "thing you get" and lumped in with money. I know how you feel, I thought that way too but that's just that. They need their dad and if you try to limit that, they'll just grow up fantasizing about life with him and blame you for everything wrong with their life.

He absolutely needs to support you financially and support you if you need to take classes to kickstart your career but the kids have absolutely nothing to do with this aspect.

Thanks, 2S. I know all this. I will never put my own needs above those of my children, and I know that they need their Dad. I'm not saying that I will try to keep them from him, nor am I saying that support and custody have anything to do with the other. The point of my rant was twofold:

(1) I think it's BS that H decided to put himself before me, our M and most of all, our children . . . and as a result, I get screwed out of half their childhood; and

(2) The deal was I take care of the kids, he has the career and provides for the family. In the end, he gets to keep the benefits of his nine years of working (the career and the money), AND he gets the kids half the time. For my nine years of taking care of the kids, I lost my career AND I am losing my kids half the time anyway.

I am venting at the unfairness of it all. I will take it, because I will put my kids first. And I will try to work through the anger and resentment, because it doesn't help anyone. And I will take lemons and make lemonade. Etc. But I am not there yet. Right now, I am pissed off.

[melissag]

F, I have not read Codependent No More. I do have "The Language of Letting Go." I don't think that I or H are codependent. Well, maybe H is. But I actually went through that in IC and decided I'm clearly not. What in particular made you ask that? Is there something in it that you think I could benefit from?

25, I love your post and I need to reread it later tonight and respond fully. I did want to say that I am aware of the new maintenance guidelines, but my H's income is too high for those guidelines or the CS guidelines. If we ended up in court, it's a complete crap shoot what the numbers would be - it depends entirely on the judge. So mediation is pretty important, and I hope that H meant what he said about making sure that I am not struggling financially.

I want you to know, 25 (and others), that I really appreciate the 2x4s. I love getting support from these boards, of course, but it is more meaningful when I know that you all will call me on my BS. As I am sure you know, it is much easier to see the obvious in other's sitches - not so much when you are in the thick of it. So I do count on you guys to set me straight. I truly don't just want to be told I am right; I want to go through this with an open heart and mind, and understand and have compassion rather than walk around thinking I'm better than someone else, or be bitter and resentful.

Lots more to come, but have to take my kids to see Frozen for the fifth (yes, fifth) time.

[labug]

Well, I see 25's been here, 3 pages later...

I will have you know, I EDITED it down! Melissa got the "shorter" version...

I know you must have.

You've been missed.

[2stubborn2quit]

I am venting at the unfairness of it all. I will take it, because I will put my kids first. And I will try to work through the anger and resentment, because it doesn't help anyone. And I will take lemons and make lemonade. Etc. But I am not there yet. Right now, I am pissed off.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade…then find people that life gave them vodka. Rant away, I misunderstood

[melissag]

Random musing . . .

Does this ever happen to anyone else?

You suddenly realize that you are happy and not thinking about your sitch, but then feel like, oh wait, I'm supposed to be sad. But I'm not. Huh.

I guess I should count this as progress . . . just seemed weird to feel strange about being happy.