Betsey, thank you. You are right. It is better than my H agreeing that he wants to go and then being secretly resentful about it.
It's just the same frustration I had during the M. He has two modes. Doormat and a$shole. He is not good at asking for what he needs, so he doesn't. Then he decides he REALLY needs something, or he is tired of not getting what he wants (which is clearly someone else's fault for not providing, not his own for not asking), so he comes out with fists flying. I don't suppose my punishing him for being an as$hole was helpful to this problem . . . in retrospect I should have been more understanding and tried to talk it through instead of taking it personally. So I will do what you suggested and just let it go - my response to him was, "OK, thanks." No point in pointing out that he could have been kinder. That was one of the first things I learned in terms of BD. Nothing I point out will carry any weight with him - it hasn't for several years, so why would it now?
It does seem like he has figured out how to be less doormat, that's good. Now maybe less as$hole would be nice . . . Also, I appreciated that you said he might not want to do things that he normally likes doing. I feel like he is definitely doing that. At least, with respect to things he did with me. Or that were my idea. It is totally like a petulant child, or maybe a rebellious teenager. He's really exercising his "I don't have to answer to anyone" privilege right now. I also noticed that many of the things he used to resist when I asked him to do (said he didn't like, or just wasn't capable of - like decorating for Christmas, or doing crafts with the kids (!), or planning anything), he seems to enjoy doing (without me, of course) since it's his idea now.
You're right, I need to leave him alone on the playground.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Also, I appreciated that you said he might not want to do things that he normally likes doing. I feel like he is definitely doing that. At least, with respect to things he did with me. Or that were my idea. It is totally like a petulant child, or maybe a rebellious teenager. He's really exercising his "I don't have to answer to anyone" privilege right now. I also noticed that many of the things he used to resist when I asked him to do (said he didn't like, or just wasn't capable of - like decorating for Christmas, or doing crafts with the kids (!), or planning anything), he seems to enjoy doing (without me, of course) since it's his idea now. 