The lying, sneaking, concern for her safety and the quality of "men" who would have an affair with a M woman in crisis are my issues, and the loss of feelings for me...not the actual sex part...I am very open-minded there. And infidelity is old as humans, it's not a good thing, but it is there, always has been.
This really intrigues me. When I got married, I always thought that my H having an "affair" would end our marriage, immediately, and be totally unforgivable...that just the thought of him having sex with someone else (after I discovered an affair) would be something I could never overcome.
However, to date, my H has "only" had an EA...and THAT kind of affair has devastated me more than a physical one would have, I think. I can't really say for sure....but it is his lying that has killed me. It is his being "madly in love" with someone else that hurts so, so much. It's his lack of feelings for me...and his lack of respect for our vows that has hurt. According to both H and OW, they never even kissed....and yet, it doesn't matter. The betrayal is still so strong.
It's just interesting how our perspectives change after we go through something like this. Your insight, as always, has been helpful.
