I'll come back later when I can devote more time, but I want to point something out for you to mull right now.
Quote:
H (20 seconds later): I'm not interested in going. You are welcome to take the kids. I'll put it on my calendar.
And when I read that, it stung - not because he doesn't want to go, but because of the way he talks to me. Maybe I am just oversensitive because of years of feeling slighted by him, but the "I'm not interested in going" just came across as kind of cold and mean to me.
Uh, considering that your H has passive aggressive tendencies, I see this as a huge positive. [Backing off, 'cause I see the steam coming out of your nose...] Positive? YES, POSITIVE.
A couple months ago, your H might have said yes and then followed up, and then acted like a baby because he agreed to do something you wanted but he didn't really want to do it. Or he'd tell you he'd go and maybe stood you up at the last minute. Melissa, this time, he told you what he wanted and he didn't waver. Can you see the growth in this? He either felt comfortable telling you no (which I'm really not inclined to think) or he decided he was sick and tired of feeling controlled and decided to forge forward at any cost. Either way, it's growth. He stood up for what he wanted.
And for the record, when my XH found his voice, he kind of reveled in it for a few months. He wasn't necessarily kind and acted like a petulant 4 year old who liked to hear himself say no. I had PROMISED myself not to punish him or denigrate him for telling me what he wanted to do. And then I just did what I wanted to do with the girls anyway. Everyone won.
So maybe expect him to wallow in his newfound voice for awhile. His general personality doesn't sound like he's a dick, so chances are he'll realize you're going on without him and he might back off on this stance. Don't be surprised if he rejects things he normally likes doing. Walk away. Your lack of resistance just might help this cause greatly. I'd hear him go into his litany of why he didn't want to do X, and instead of trying to persuade him it was the right thing to do (YUCK!), I just said okay. After a steady diet of that, he reconsidered.
Besides, like going on vacation, my guess is he's not good company anyway. Leave that little boy alone on the playground, okay?
I'll come back later to hit on some other points you made here then.
Hang in there,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
