Here is your own free consultation: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!! DO NOT ASSIST HER IN ANY WAY!!! DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO ESTABLISH EVIDENCE THAT YOU ARE AT THE MINIMUM AN EQUAL PARTNER IN THE CARE OF THE KIDS!! CARRY A VOICE RECORDER AT ALL TIMES TO PROTECT YOURSELF, AND ASSUME SHE IS DOING THE SAME!
Here is what happened when your wife went to the lawyer. A woman who clearly wants a divorce goes lawyer shopping. The lawyer knows she will pick the attorney who promises the best outcome for her. So he will tell her a fairy tale story of how it will go - the big bad husband will leave, children will stay, they dont really love him and, like you, are better off without him anyways, he still has to pay you money though, don't sit down and look at any budgets, you will meet Prince Charming (although I bet she already has one in mind), flower petals, rainbows & unicorns etc etc. She gets excited, and gives him $10k from a new credit card that she thinks you will have to pay for. This is her vision, what the lawyer and her friends have told her, and she will now feel entitled to this outcome.
Your job is to prevent this outcome. Doing so may entail saving your marriage, or it may entail coming out of the divorce emotionally intact, financially protected and with 50% custody of the kids. Either way, the biggest mistake you can make is acquiescing to her pressure, manipulation and (trust me - they are coming) dirty tricks and lies to get what she wants.
She wants the divorce, she moves out, buys you out, or you sell the house. She wants money, it wont be yours unless a legal piece of paper tells you otherwise. She wants primary custody and says its best for the kids - you have a handwritten calendar of child care schedules and kids activities that says otherwise. She says you are abusive or angry and she is scared for her life, you have a voice recorder of her screaming , while you are calm and trying to extricate yourself. She wants to tell the kids its no-one's fault or its your fault, you tell them the truth, that you dont want a divorce.
Oh, and a final piece of advice - "nesting" would be the second worst outcome for you, second only to you voluntarily leaving or being forced out with a protective order. Nesting brings with it all of the downsides of separation with none of the good elements. You will still need to interact with your wife all the time, but all interaction will be adversarial; divorce, money, bills, scheduling, the state of the house, the care of the kids, etc. If she wants someone to leave, let her figure that out herself.
