Perspective - The Reality of the Trip

[RealityTrip]

Hi ladies! Thanks for the love.

This morning I was late for work. W woke up early with me to have coffee since she has an early physcial therapy appt. and we just started talking. I couldn't leave. It wasn't the right time. We were in the zone.

W had some tears over the post-op pain, she wanted to talk about some anxiety she was having in going back to work. We hashed that stuff out, I reached over and held her hand when she started to tear up. (I am still holding true to my 180 of not trying to "make her feel better", but instead, sit with her in the true emotions.)

I took the opportunity of closeness to thank her and acknowledge the other night when she met my emotional need that I had brought to her attention. She said "you're welcome". Then she told me that she made another IC session for next week. She started to open up about all the "personal work" she needs to do and is ready for. She expressed that she wanted to start journaling and asked if I was ok with that. "Of course! What a great idea!" She was worried that placing all of those personal things into a journal would somehow hinder her transparency to me and might cause me pain or stress. I ASSURED her it wouldn't and told her again that I thought it was a wonderful idea that she had.

Then she said, "I know we are on the back burner and it sounds selfish after everything I've put you through but I need some time to work on me. I'm no good for us until I do this."

I had a conscious moment where I made sure I was making eye contact so that she would KNOW I heard her. I responded that I understood and that I am ok for now. I told her that regardless of where our future takes us as a couple, that I truly wanted her to heal herself and be happy. She said, "I know that. But I know you want us to go to MC together and I want that to, but I need to do this for me."

I told her again that I understood and I was ok for now. I expressed that I'm glad she is taking the time for herself, that I had a lot of it while she was on Walkabout, and I wanted the same for her.

It was a good morning. I think the thing that stood out to me most was that MC is still on W's radar. She's not avoiding it, she's just not ready, and that is ok. But she's not living in the Fog all day, every day (Oh she likes to hide here on occasion, but she doesn't live there full-time) she's thinking.... and now she's opening up and talking about her emotions.... to me... and no longer to xAP.