Barrybran II - Six Weeks In

[Barrybran]

Journaling:

It's been a week of positive interactions with my wife now. We've communicated so much better, she's voiced her thoughts when she's had them (including one where she was angry with me and came and woke me up to discuss it), we've spoken lots, had a lot of fun in each other's company, had sex and now she's been affectionate with me. It's been a good week.

It hasn't all been rosy though. There was a period of about 30 hours where she thought about my infidelities and asked many questions. I answered them as she asked them and she was deep in thought a lot of the time. She kept up the communication though and fowarded me articles she had been reading that backed up her thoughts. I am grateful for how she has handled herself overall and the articles she has given me access to have helped me understand her frame of mind.

The past couple of days, things have settled down a bit. My wife has had full days at work and it's been the usual business after work (dinner, kids' baths, kids bed, her bed). It's what our "normal" life entails but with three key differences: she's asking my help for things, I'm spending time in the loungeroom with her (and my parents) and she has been affectionate with me on the couch. It's been nice.

The two biggest milestones for me have come yesterday and today. Yesterday, my wife hugged me. I came home from a six-month contract in mid-November. All I wanted since then was a hug. We've had sex several times but affection wasn't on the cards. Yesterday, my wife was preparing dinner, I was helping in the kitchen, we'd finished what we were doing and she hugged me. I'm receiving my copy of 5LL this/next week but I already know my LL's are QT and PT so to get this hug, after seven weeks, is huge to me. I got another one today.

The second milestone occurred tonight. When I was away from home, my youngest daughter (2yo) entered the 'security' phase where she had to sleep with Mummy. Each of our other kids have been through this phase so it was only a matter of time. With Dad gone and a spare spot in the bed, youngest made it her own. When I got home, my wife left my daughter in our bed with me and took her bed in the next room. It's been that way for seven weeks. Tonight, my wife put youngest in her own bed (much to youngest's dissatisfaction) and has gone to sleep in our bed. It's one night and just a trial but it's a milestone nonetheless. I hope she's comfortable.

To top things off, my parents told me they are taking off next week for two weeks. They're only heading two hours away but we'll have the house to ourselves with our kids and maybe even a night or two without the kids. My wife has holidays approved during this period too so there will be some true family time. I'm looking forward to it but I am going to have to keep up with my own plans (only house stuff but stuff that needs doing).

All in all, it's still early days. My wife and I discussed that we didn't address our problems when we got back together after our first break up so we're both aware that there's a lot of work to do and patience to have. My wife still hasn't said "I want to try" but I don't expect that; I'm just appreciating her company and all that entails. I'm still waiting to hear about a job which hopefully I'll hear back from this week and I get my DB/DR/5LL books next week which I'm looking forward to reading.

I hope everyone else is having a good day.