New to This - An English Man In Trouble

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my worry is that she sees this as some sort of penance for me.

I doubt that, esp if she is trying to work things out. However, this makes me wonder if you truly understand how lonely and unloved she felt during those years. It isn't easy to just turn it back on and it takes a lot of work and a lot of love. Most likely there is a part of her that is afraid that if she opens herself up to you again, the same thing will eventually happen and she will be alone and feeling unloved again.