Wif wants Divorce, I do Not 2

[burning heart]

W text me. Things are not good. FIL is in the hospital.

[burning heart]

Ok. FIL is doing better.

W texts are cold, and short.

Really have been fighting not texting her. I doubt she would take a call. Hard not talking about R but she won't anyway.

[Wonka]

This does not mean you have to be 'cold' back to W, BH. Be the bigger person and set up. I'd respond back to W and say you're glad to hear this.

[burning heart]

I wasn't cold back.
I told her that's good and to keep me informed.
He's staying overnight in hospital and W and MIL are going back in the morning to visit him.
I said ok. Thank you for letting me know.
Sure, she said.

Later I asked how she was doing. She's ok.
She didn't ask me back.

Idk.

I'm happy that FIL is doing better. And with that going on I didn't want to seem pushy in our communication.

Her coldness and direct response hurts. But I do understand that the situation with FIL is stressful as well as ours.

[burning heart]

No news about FIL yet.

I asked W about the schooling she wanted lastnite....no response. Thought showing interest in what she wants to do was good and it's not R talk.

Maybe I shouldn't have. I've gray but thinking dark may be better. Idk. Communication is good though. Idk.

[melissag]

BH, your W's father is in the hospital right now, and I am sure that is what she is focused on. I highly doubt she is putting as much thought into her responses and the tone of them as you are.

I know that you are hurting right now but it seems to me that, instead of allowing your W to take care of her father, and being there for her if she needs/wants you, you are focusing on your own agenda and need for some sort of reassurance.

You are not going to get this right now. You are just driving yourself insane and piling on the hurt and confusion. Why make it worse for yourself?

It has been said a million times on this board, and I know it is not easy to do, but you need to focus on YOU. Right now you are focusing on her and overanalyzing every little thing she says and does - even in her time of crisis! STOP. Go do something for yourself. Let your W know that you are hoping her father is well soon, and that you are there for her if she needs you. Then go do your own thing and give her the space she wants. If she is interested in taking to you, she will let you know, I promise.

What GAL activities are you doing? Who do you have to talk to? What kinds of self improvement are you working on? What about home improvement? Work? Focus on all of those things - that is productive and will help you feel better at the end of the day. Obsessing over your W is making you feel worse, and poking at her to get some sort of reaction you are looking for is making both of you feel worse.

[woundedfool]

I think DB/DR will help me, not the marriage at this time. Same as GAL or 180.

EXACTLY!

Don't know how I'll feel if it keeps going on but it's up to her.

EXACTLY!

Plus, while its one thing to set a goal. Be careful of setting up expectations (as well as time frames). Just keep taking one day at a time.

Don't know what MIL wanted to talk about yesterday. Going to call her back today.

I want to give you some guidance on this.... Do your best to keep the conversation about your relationship with them. In my sitch, I steered clear of discussing the M with them, other then making it crystal clear I would meet anytime, anywhere for MC.

If they want to tell you about her and how shes doing (as long as you can hear it) go ahead, but I would not (and did not) follow it up with questions.

[burning heart]

Well W never let me know anything about FIL or answer the question about her schooling.

I asked the family friend and he is doing well and back home. Good deal.

Idk. .

[tough spot]

Well i don't know what to say...but I can post that at least I am paying attention to your situation. Hopefully that helps you understand that you are not alone, while you wade through this painful portion of your life

[burning heart]

Thank you...