Spinning a bit today...and the ride is all in my own head! ARGH!
H has actually been very nice the past few days. We had a really great evening yesterday. He's been laughing and smiling more. Brought home a card a couple of days ago for no reason that he had the kids sign that said "Thanks for being our mom," and then, he wrote some flirty remark in it.
He has been texting me more just to check in, etc. He been smacking me on the rear and flirting with me...and just being more like his "old," fun self.
However, today, I hadn't heard from him all day. No expectations, right? Then, he texted me a bit ago to say that he doesn't have as much money in his personal account as he thought he did (account that he started last year, after BD) so he can't give me the gasoline money I asked for.
I wondered why he wasn't at home sleeping (he works nights) so I casually asked what he'd been up to today? He has a side business, selling construction products. It was this "side" business that he used to cover up a lot of his EA. Trips back to his hometown to "sell" stuff were opportunities to see OW. Anyway, he said that he's been out trying to sell stuff today to make some money.
And, instantly, it was like a hit to my gut, all over again. What if he's back in the EA? What if he's still lying about everything? What if he's seeing someone else?
He keeps "forgetting" to bring his bag (with clothes, toiletries, etc.) back home that he moved out in November. I haven't been pressuring him or asking him about this, but I keep wondering, if he's really trying to make it work, then why is he still keeping stuff at his friend's house? Also, I have yet to meet this "friend"...what if it's a woman!? What if I'm really that stupid?
So, I'm trying to chill out and DB and NOT text him or ask where he's really been. I know he'll just lie, if there is something to hide. No point in asking him. I start thinking I can trust him again...and then, it'll hit me out of nowhere that I don't trust him. Not sure that I ever will.
