My H tends to tell people who he knows will support (read: enable) him, and I don't think it is unreasonable to assume that he doesn't tell people that he does not want to be in a relationship with any obligations or expectations. Surely he must realize how egocentric that is.
My H only told his single guy friend. I am sure that his friend is totally enabling him, not to mention including him in his single life. I can guarantee you that he has not said anything to his best friend who is a total family man. The crazy thing is that his single friend does not have a great life. He has no family, no serious relationship, bounces from job to job always looking for something different/better.
What do you mean by this? Do you mean that you will have no relationship with him as long as he is having an R with the OW? If he did end the R with the OW, do you think you could get through it, or would it always haunt you and make you distrust him?
Originally Posted By: melissag
What do you mean by this? Do you mean that you will have no relationship with him as long as he is having an R with the OW? If he did end the R with the OW, do you think you could get through it, or would it always haunt you and make you distrust him?
For a long time, I thought that my H needed to decide whether he wanted to be married to me and/or wanted to be with the OW. But I have realized that even if we get D, I need my H to choose a relationship with me(whether just a co-parenting relationship or friendship) over a relationship with OW. Unless H intends to marry OW (which would likely results in her H murdering my H), I hope that H will decide to respect me as a person and the mother of his children and end this R that has caused so much pain. I have not phrased it as an ultimatum to him. I just know that if he continues his relationship with OW on any level, I will have to keep my contact with H to the absolute minimum.
Even if H ends it and decides to R, it will be a long road ahead. H would have to be willing to be completely open and transparent. That is how our relationship was for 14 years. We knew each others email passwords, there were no codes to access his cell or his laptop. It all changed when the A began and I knew he was involved with OW for months before I finally had evidence (although he still denied it).
Originally Posted By: melissag
What my H said, a few days after BD, was, "I have sacrificed too much, now it's time for me to be selfish." So I guess he thinks that he put in his fair share of "giving a sh!t about others," and now he is free to think only about himself.
OMG ... I laughed out loud at your H's comments. What sacrifices does your H think he has made unfairly? Unless you tied him up in a basement and did not let him out for years, I am pretty sure that he had the ability to make his own decisions about his life. My H said that I always decided where to vacation and that he never got to pick and that he wanted to be free to make decision and not feel like he was sacrificing. This coming from a man who went to Turkey and Brazil without me (both times while I was pregnant). Granted he went to assist his mom with her job, but I never even baulked when he asked me to go. I never said no to his requests to go to bachelor parties in Vegas or Montreal or Atlantic City. It makes NO SENSE.
