I am going to answer questions/comments previously posted from the posters here.
WR: When an MLCer says that "there's nothing wrong with me", they genuinely believe it which is typical MLC-speak. I recall when things were awry with Ms. Wonka sometime after the early stages of my MLC, she came home one day with a brand-new book Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil determined to help our R, my reaction was typical non-denial and pooh-poohed her. In my mind, I am not the problem so why should Ms. Wonka point fingers at me?
Rick: Wow. What an extreme reaction from your XW to signing the house lease over to you. It shows that she was truly and utterly broken.
Mojo: You ask how the MLCer claim that they're okay while exhibiting bizzare behaviors. Does the The Emperor Without Clothes remind you of the MLCer a bit? In the MLCer's worldview, we all think we're operating normally even outwardly the spouse notices strange comments, behaviors, actions, and antics. Again, this is part and parcel of the impaired thinking process that manifests outwardly in illogical reasoning and irrational behaviors.
Raine: Right back at ya...my partner in crime!
AJ: As for your perked ears in reading the "rest of my story", are you the type of person that peeks at the last page of the novel before reading it?
Ambi: MLCers do normal everyday things by going through the motions. That is UNTIL the pressure becomes too much and they take off hence the BD to get away from the source of misery which, unfortunately, is you. More on this later.
FY: You ask if the fog lifting was gradual or fairly quick in my case. I started to come out of the MLC fog sometime around March 2004. Like a typical fog one sees in real life, it dissipated gradually.
I am of the firm belief that there was some type of "intervention" in my MLC Journey. In December 2003, I flew home for the Christmas holidays. A few days after arrival, I became very, very sick and had an horrible asthma attack (a second one in so many years). My father literally had to carry me into the ER at the hospital for treatment. I believe it was the beginning of the "end"---I started to wake up and notice my surroundings. That included attempts to get Ms. Wonka to end her affair with the OW. sigh
Bright: You and others question if 'this' or 'that' is MLC or not. Let me tell you that MLC is individualistic with each person's personality, mannerisms, family histories, and coping mechanisms to take into account. MLC falls on two end spectrums which are: kitty kitten MLCers and Jekyll/Hyde. They represent the two extremes of the MLCer in their anger levels.
Complicated: In my MLC-addled mind, I blamed Ms. Wonka for my overall general unhappiness as she was the visible and tangible symbol of my misery. We live in a tangible world so in our mind...why could we be so unhappy all of sudden? We are twirling around trying to locate the source of our unhappiness. Lo and behold! There's the spouse standing right there.
Have I ever verbalized my unhappiness to Ms. Wonka. No. That is the hard part for me right now. A rational person would discuss issues or situations to seek out solutions with their spouse...right? While in the midst of MLC, on the other hand, we feel immense pressure from within that we've got to get OUTTA here now!! Bombs away and we're outta the door emotionally [and some physically]. Didja know that I did contemplate renting an apartment myself? Yep, I did.
It is never about YOU at all. It is all on US.
Sometime in the Summer of either 1999 or 2000, our sex life took a drastic nose dive which was when Ms. Wonka walked in the door one day with her brand-new Relationship Rescue book. Bless her heart, Ms. Wonka knew something was badly wrong in the R and tried to help us by "fixing" it.
TL: You ask how can MLCers function. We are just going through the motions by pushing ourselves forward despite the underlying unhappiness, discomfort, and pressure. That's why we appear so "normal" at times to you.
