okay- since i'm kind of "journaling" for want of a better name-

it's just occurred in life tht h needs me to "be in his corner" about something- which, really, merely involves me being honest.

that is all- no my side- his side- objectively what is the truth.

it just so happens that of everyone on earth- i happen to know what the truth really is...

it's got me thinking about honesty and integrity and 'doing what is right" regrdless of whether or not you even have an opinion or judgement of the person who is the recipient- the person who would "gain" from your honest. we all have to make Honesty prevail in life -

can ya really withhold it??? if your honesty is helping - if it is "the right thing" and it benefits someone you'd like to back over with the car?


can you not do it? in good conscience - NO. CAN YOU JUST ignore it- when it's the "right thing" - no

i'm wondering if this whole thing- dbing - "standing" , so on.

maybe it's just your gut's own HONEST REACTION.

CAN you ignore it or deny it? (even if h benefits from your unwilling ness to just jump up and end it all and run right away) NOOOO

CAN you do anythhing other than what your gut is telling you is "the right thing? no

soooo- i'm thinking, at the end of the day, alll this dbing, waiting, agonizing, wonderinf if we're nuts and casting our pearls before swine, etc.=

it's allll got nothing to do with h and everything to do with us and our "honesty" and our being honest with self & world about what is rite for us- according to our conscience

not helping when you can and see it - is just as bad as saying no when asked to.

a person just "has to". i think. that's about it. nothing too revolutionary. it sounded "bigger" in my brain.

i may wonder if h is worth it- worthy of love - was ever the wonderful prson I THOUGHT - OR JUST a rat and i was blind, etc.

blah blah blah- on and on forever.

it's really just about me. being honest in life, to self, to worldk etc.


if it means you're a fool or a jerk- idk, idc-

does it matter? it's all about being it- honest.

if we were not honest- we'd be - - - them. no better than a person lying-

did any of that make anysense to anyone but me?

so, it's an integrity, do the rite thing, kind of thing. not really even a decision on our part - to stand or hold off or try-

it's the message we show the world, kids, etc - we stand by our honesty.

(i look at this very damaged guy- who is i guess like his very damaged parents- and think of the legacy of every adult that knows any child and then shows the example of anything less than the best you can do , can be, less than honesty-

and then, ka bam- creation of another damaged adult someday who can't be honest, etc.


oh man..... am i reading too much into it all- or it is really true that this very small (very huge) thing- honesty- is abaout what we are about- really...