Another day, Another Opportunity

[NoMoreMistakes]

My response was deliberate in that I was trying to convey that I am not angry or upset, but that our dynamic is different now. In the future, I would help as any caring neighbor would but not be the go to person for all her issues.

[NoMoreMistakes]

About a week or so out from finalization. All quiet on the home front. The holidays were pretty quiet. Don't think I would have been as bothered if I didn't have coworkers asking what W and I were doing or how we were going to balance both families for the holidays.

Only a few people in the office are aware of the current situation, but when I turn in my change in status paperwork, most people will know.

[NoMoreMistakes]

Three months since W moved out and less than a week from finalization. It feels like its been much longer. I went back and read some of my journals, I just noticed how hard I was trying to hold on and how much pressure there was. How going 2 hours NC was so difficult and now weeks seems normal.

I saw what some of my short term goals were for R and I could see some progress in the things I noted in my journal. All of that is has halted since W moved out and D has moved forward, however I am surprisingly okay with it. Its sad that there may have been some chance for R but I know ill be okay after D and will just have to hang on to the lessons I've learned from the whole experience and be better for it.

[NoMoreMistakes]

Well D is official. I was okay today until I hheard and had to swear to the words irrevocably broken. Those words hit like a ton of brick.

Keep finding my mind trying to distract from the feelings but trying to resist and processes them instead.

[labug]

How is your mind trying to distract you from your feelings? Or am I misreading this?

My condolences, this is never an easy thing, the death of a marriage.

[NoMoreMistakes]

Not missing anything, never really explained it. Just that when I start thinking about it and begin feeling emotional, thoughts about GAL activities or work start to creep in as a distraction to not have to deal with the emotions.

Its not that I want to dwell on being sad, its just that I don't want to run from it, avoid understanding it or learning from it by just doing something else without dealing with it. Not sure if that even makes sense, but just feels like making plans for GAL activities instead of feeling/dealing the pain feels like the thing that got me here.