My feelings are still pretty numb. I have settled into a bit of a depression the last couple days. I think a portion of that may be due to Daughter going to stay with STBXW for her week. I had daughter for 8 straight days, while W was on vacation. When she leaves, is the hardest time for me. I dearly miss having her here with me.
Arrangements are being made for my niece. This is such a tragic loss for my family. I have been able to give my sister a little support. She has lots of friends and family as well. There has been a huge outpouring of condolences. My beautiful niece will be dearly missed by many.
I have exchanged a few text messages with W. She sent me a happy new year, and she shared her condolences for my niece passing. They were heartfelt I believe. She stated that she wished she could be of support to my family. While I did appreciate the gesture, it just hammered home the reminder that she is no longer part of our family unit. She has posted on several FB pictures of my niece and my father (who passed away shortly after the birth of D7), saying that she has been thinking about them a lot lately. On one hand I feel happy that she still cares for my family and I, but on the other hand it angers me for some reason that she is including herself. In one of her texts, she made a point of stating that she is the same person she has always been and that my family will always be her family. I care to disagree with that, though I would never share those feelings with her. She is NOT the same person she used to be. At one time she was my life partner, my support, my friend. She was connected to my family, and that is not who she is today, at least in those regards. I know how selfish that is of me, but those are the feelings that come over me. I really don't like the fact that W is sneaking back into my thoughts. I have had her in my mind non-stop for several days now. I really wish I could just move on and forget about her! She still effects my emotions somehow. I hate that!
