Rise & Shine III

[melissag]

My H is so protective about this information. He is very concerned about his image and his business. He would die if the information got out.

This is what blows me away about WASs. You would think that it would occur to him that if he is keeping it secret, perhaps it's because he's doing something shameful. I guess not. Or maybe he knows but just doesn't care because he is just that selfish. My H tends to tell people who he knows will support (read: enable) him, and I don't think it is unreasonable to assume that he doesn't tell people that he does not want to be in a relationship with any obligations or expectations. Surely he must realize how egocentric that is.

I have told H that if he continues this relationship with the OW in any manner, regardless of what happens in our M, I will not have any type of relationship with him.

What do you mean by this? Do you mean that you will have no relationship with him as long as he is having an R with the OW? If he did end the R with the OW, do you think you could get through it, or would it always haunt you and make you distrust him?

I just dont know what makes someone feel so entitled to think that they can cause a huge amount of pain to someone else and just feel no remorse. While I may not be perfect, I have done nothing to my H that justifies what he has done. None of us have.

What my H said, a few days after BD, was, "I have sacrificed too much, now it's time for me to be selfish." So I guess he thinks that he put in his fair share of "giving a sh!t about others," and now he is free to think only about himself.

I don't know if it's just that different people are wired differently, or that a change happens when someone goes through a crisis, or what - but the thought to me of not caring about other people makes me feel kind of sad and lonely. I feel like life is all about connection.