wife moved to.parents house last week scared

[melissag]

Hi Paul, sounds like you are moving along pretty well! I think that some things you need to let go, but your W told the kids on her own that she was moving out? That's not right at all. That's hurting the kids.

I am glad you didn't say "thank you for cooperating," that might sound patronizing to her.

3, you mentioned that this doesn't really affect W the same way it does me. We're all hurting. How could it be that she is not? How could someone make a life and then just throw it away???

This is tough . . . I know how you feel. I can't fathom how my H can walk away from a family who loves him and wants him here, and a wife who is willing to do anything to make the M great. Especially when he sees the damage it is causing to the kids.

But you have to consider their state of mind. They were hurting in the M - apparently far more than any of us LBSs ever knew or understood. So being out of the M now feels good to them. Maybe your W was drowning in the M (the way you feel right now, out of the M), and she wondered how it was possible that you were not hurting and didn't seem to care.

I can't say this about all WASs, but it seems that, in order to leave a M, they have to become pretty self-centered. And I think along with that comes the ability to tell themselves stories about how the kids are fine, the LBS is fine, everyone will be happier, etc. I think that my H truly believes all this, and he may well believe it forever.

You will drive yourself crazy if you try to understand what your W is doing and why. Trust me . . . .