Hello all. We are having a snow day here. Actually its more of an extremely-cold day I believe. Negative 12 with windchill in the negative 40 range. Brrr! Wonderfuljob was closed yesterday and is today as well. H also was home yesterday but today he's off to work.
Family update.
S20 (almost 21! about 6 more weeks to go, smh) is currently suffering from blood clots, and possibly liver cancer. Sigh. He has started a "fear journal" where he records his fears and thoughts. I think the journal is a good thing - I hope it will help him help himself.
D19 is living in Detroit with her 33 year old felon. This is a stop-over on their way to NYC where her SO has a "7 figure income" awaiting him... (I'm not sure which of the two elder children is more delusional.) She says they're in love and plan to marry.
Ss 17 continue along. Thankfully no new developments there.
H. H is trying. I don't know what to make of this. He has continued to do laundry after a small stutter step. When the laundry room filled up again he went off in an H-snit. I paid this no mind. The next day he was doing laundry again. And he has trimmed a door and put up a banister for the stairs. He continues to pursue the pizza place. Hasn't been to the casino in a couple months but continues to "practice" on his computer. (It's really just a video game - it's not live, there is no betting involved.)
He hasn't said anything to me regarding our M or the OW. And I'm not asking. Lol, the shoes a bit on the other foot just now, because I thought the other day "Gosh I hope H doesn't ask me if I love him... because I don't know. And I don't want to get in a R talk!"
H is suddenly concerned for my well being. Tells me repeatedly to be careful driving. Did NOT find a morbid joking conversation about a headache literally killing me at all funny.
For Christmas H gave me 3 go out to dinner coupons. We had tentative plans to go out last week but then the weather turned bad. So I said no, let's just stay home. H must have asked 5 times if I wouldn't rather go out.
Told S20 that when our current pets die he is not interested in replacing them because they keep "us" from travelling. (You'd have to really know H to appreciate the full moment of silence S20 and I gave after this comment. The idea of H and I going on a vacation, or planning frequent travels... well, we needed a moment to digest that idea!)
All this behavior is new for H. Fair enough I suppose, because I have exhibited some new behaviors myself. Cause and effect? Or some sort of shift in H? Or just a temporary anomaly?
He's still not entirely likable. Refused to allow our 2 outdoor cats to come inside for these terribly cold days. (One of them is spending the day in the bathroom.... shhh. I haven't seen the other one yet.)
And I find this intolerable. And it makes me mad, MAD at myself too. Because I didn't tell H to go jump in a lake and bring them in anyway. (When I was a child of about 4 we were having a barn pulled down on our property. There was a mama cat and kittens in that barn. 4-year-old Jaye took her pillow and blanket to the barn to sleep with those cats and make sure Daddy didn't pull the barn down on top of them. 45-year-old Jaye? Just a bunch of talk. Not willing to rock this precarious boat... upset the kids... push H a little farther.) Yep, not happy with myself over this at all. The cats did find a way to get under the house in the crawl space so are not as bad off as they might be. But I feel H showed an alarming lack of empathy and compassion through out this issue. This has made me feel that I don't like him - and more importantly, I don't like "me" with him.
I will counter this self-disappointment with a quote from Robert Brault.
Optimist (n.) - someone who knows that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster. It's the cha-cha.
Take care DBers!
Love, Jaye
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
So good of you to stop by! 
