My apologies to anyone who was offended, that phrase is part of Texas vernacular going back at least several decades (and I suspect more like hundreds of years). Perhaps it doesn't extend to other areas of the country. It was meant to be a joke based on the fact that 2S's W was requesting a booty call.
Having sex in these sitches is always tricky business 2S, but in DR MWD says that if you can do it without causing yourself any anguish that it's not necessarily a bad thing. She mentions that sex creates a bond that's not like anything else in the R, so sometimes keeping the bond going can help the sitch. She does say that if it gives you a lot of heartache then it's OK not to do it though. So it's really up to you.
Ok so this went great! Better than expected...oooh, you *wish* I was spilling those details but you'll have to get your own
The important part is what happened after. We had a hella long talk my friends. In this talk, she confirmed that after some space to herself she does indeed love me, no ILYBINOLWY about it.
We also both acknowledged that we never actually had any time together as a couple...ever. We were in our early 20s and went straight to family mode with 2 kids and one on the way.
When the moment felt right, I told her that what I wanted wasn't for us to concentrate on repairing the R and moving back together. Right now, I'd like for us to get to know each other again and build an "us" that involves no kids, houses, dogs, etc. She said she'd like that very much. Even told me she's willing to hook up and ML on a random basis like today in the future.
She also told me (never explained that before) that before leaving, she was having panic attacks and other problems she was keeping to herself. She's still having a hard time and needs a lot of time to herself, can't handle stress, needs solitude.
This is a big victory for me. I now have an avenue to try and build a new, functional R. It will either work or it won't, but at least now we have a path to try.
The fact that moving back in is off the table in all this sounds bad but it takes so much pressure off the whole thing. I can be myself and make this relationship work for me. I kind of feel that if I tried to get her to move back in as part of all this, I'd be sacrificing things just to make it work.
Bring it on, 2014! I'm ready.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
Awesome. It sounds like you've been given a map to get to where you want to be. Like you said, no pressure and stay patient. Things will happen when they happen.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
2S2Q, this sounds fantastic! I think it's GREAT that you took the pressure off by suggesting that moving back in right away isn't the best idea. Take it slowly and do it right so it sticks!! So happy for you!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Yes, it really needs to be done slowly. She needs to want to be back and feel whole, I need to fix my issues as well.
The main reason I'm cautious is that I've spoken to people in her situation. Some of them admitted to me that they're acting nice and have every intention of leaving as soon as the kids grow up. One even told me she's taking the extra step, has a couple FWB on the side waiting for her chance to leave.
I'd rather she didn't come back if it was to be like this. I'd rather start over and find a person who wants to be a part of my life than stick with her just for the sake of clinging to a marriage as long as possible.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
I know this sounds insane. I know I sound like a schitzo. Is it normal that after the high of yesterday's apparent progress, I start reminiscing over what happened last year and get frustrated with her? Even having second thoughts?
March 2013, I started saving for a surprise for her. I was going to take her to England this year for our 15th anniversary. I was proud I had reached a point in my life I could finally start saving money after some previous financial problems we faced. She always wanted to go. 2 months later she just stopped talking to me for an entire summer…it really hurt. The look in her eyes feels like a stranger. I don't trust her like I once did. I sacrificed so much and now I'm broker than I've ever been while she has spending money…do I really want to go back? Do I trust her? Have I spent so much time wishing she'd return I realize now I'm not forgiving her yet?
Right now I'm split between continuing with the course and selling the house, cashing out and moving on…Is this nuts? I feel nuts.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
Go nuts. My W and I are allegedly "piecing". She desperately wants to go on a cruise, even talked about inexpensive ones for this summer. However, when she went on her WAW crazed fit, she spent $50k. She went to school, and now works part-time making $12.50/hour. She thinks she can consolidate and pay it off.
