Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

MrBond

Thanks for responding! This is my confusion, I understand that I am not totally to blame for the M failing but don't know how to proceed forward.

If she loses her little bit of income she has I believe she will have to ask me to pay more than my fair share to keep the household running and not ruin my credit or hers. Unless she finds or has found a sugar daddy to give her the money. It is here where it gets murky for me.

Do I say not my problem you are still responsible for it however you get it? This is a pretty hard stance Im not sure I am ready to take.

I don't want to be a wimp about things so is there a middle ground here? Some way to approach things showing her that I will not be walked-on yet I will be there to help?

I have always been the rescuer of the M. My counselors words not mine. Meaning I took what she said about things and then tried to explain why this way or that way would be better than her way. This became an issue obviously because she felt like I thought she wasn't smart enough to figure things out. This is not true but I can see her side of things better now that I have stepped back and looked at our M from a different point of view.

She always waited for me to make the first move on a lot of things. Then she would react sometimes good most times bad. Only thing that I had a hard time budging from is the financial well being of the household. I always discussed things with her but felt like she could care less as long as the bills were paid and there was food on the table.

Not until recently, the day I moved back, did she tell me that she thought I was the one who ran up the credit cards even though things we put on there were for the house or us and she was with me if it wasn't a gift for her. I never bought anything for myself without talking to her first and honestly I bought for myself maybe a handful of times.

I know she needs to own up to her part in the M failing. Does something need to happen in order to make her think about what part she played? She told me that since she had no job all she did was think about what went wrong. I think she sat and thought about all she thought I did wrong.

I know She has to be her own person. But it is frustrating to me because I truly didn't think of it as rescuing, I thought it is what a husband does for his wife and future family.

I know she waits for me to act because of another thing she said the day I moved back. I blurted out that I had a L after she said I was forcing her to get a L. I don't have one but did consult one about 4 months back. She said "If you have a L why don't you file for D". I looked at her and said "YOU are the one who walked away it is your option to file not mine." She then proceeded to say "it is a lot work to do that and I have no money. She said "I should have filed way back at the beginning of the S." I asked why she didn't and got no response.

Is there something I can do or not do to help her start think about her part in this mess?