OMs, cycling, cakes and confusion Oh my Lord ;)

[MrBond]

"I did and practice listening and validating but that's not going to be enough."

You got that right. What your problem was that you spent so much time trying to understand what in her background screwed her up, or why you weren't alpha enough, etc. that you NEVER stopped to UNDERSTAND HER. Validating does nothing without understanding. With understanding, you will know what to do. This means THOROUGHLY understanding her POV.

" I really dont actually think I'm better than her, or anyone else, but if so many people (and my w) think so then it must be true that I come off that way. I'm going to try to be very conscious of it from now on. Out with the old, in with the new."

Meaningless. What SPECIFIC things are you going to do to stop sounding so arrogant? Go back and read your posts where people commented how you were being borderline offense by sounding arrogant. You'll learn from that and what SPECIFIC actions to do to avoid it from happening again. This will not change overnight because you oftentimes did it so much and felt so "right" that you turned off alot of people.

"I was taking a chance by saying this so early in this process but i wanted to see how committed she is to our family and helping us get out of debt and to a better place. Her answer was exactly what i wanted to hear!!"

Bad move IMHO. You're trying to get her to PROVE to you her commitment too fast. Slow down and let her deal with her emotions with you first. Then let the rest follow one step at a time.

"Answer shows commitment, aknowledgement of her head being somewhere else, shows she wants to be part of the team, shows she is ready to be an EQUAL."

You are going back to sounding like SHE needs to prove her worth to you. Since the beginning you had your issues, INCLUDING the LD part. What have you done to improve that? Even if she commits to all the financial stuff, the bottom line is that she left you because there was no intimacy between you two AND you were LD. You haven't mentioned any CONCRETE steps as to what YOU will be doing to facilitate change.