wife hardens heart-6

[planet]

Things have gotten so screwed up that there isn't a remote possibility of a reconciliation, isn't it?

If I allow the meeting to go through, everyone gets dragged through the mud. XW vows to kick up a fuss every time I take my kids to my parents if this doesn't gets resolved.

I asked her what is her goal in having the meeting. The only thing she wants out of the meeting is to show her parents and family her 'hurt' and 'mistreatment' at the hands of my family. The same intention back in january last year when she insisted in having sis's bf and bro's gf to be present and bear witness.
I talked to them afterwards but none of them really think its much of a big deal but of course it didn't happened to them so they felt ambivalent.
I talked to counselors as well. They felt the same thing but they are not XW and certainly not at the receiving end so they don't know.

Of course with added threats of violence and her current emotional unstability, there's no telling what she might do or might not do.

I'm not afraid of XW but think of the emotional scars that will be embedded in each ones mind as the outcome of the meeting. The possibility of them passing it onto my kids is too frightening to bear. It takes an enlighten DBer to process that and forgive.
I'm sorry but I have seen such extremes in XW before. That's before she's a WAS and now she's psychotic.

I can't compel XW to do what I wanted and sometimes boundaries I set for myself gets crossed over. I was counseled to have flexibility to realign boundaries when the time comes. Cross bridges when needed. Put my kids first to save guard my time with them without much hindrance or blockages from XW.

Her words to my kids just before I leave yesterday...
'Go n hug your father before he scolds me.'
She's implying nonsense to my kids without thinking much of her own words. I was in disbelieve and so hurt by that. I never spoken ill of her to my kids intentionally or otherwise. In fact, I don't bring her up at all.

There's something I could learn from this episode. Maybe it's for me to learn to be patient and calmer or perhaps to stand up for myself continuously. Think before I speak.