Some clarification...reading above makes me think I wasn't clear and left out some stuff...I'm tired.
About addressing all this mlc, replay and stuff with W....
I do think this will need to be talked about to some extent in the future.
Someday...yes. But I do want to see what actually needs addressing, as I have found with myself, what I "needed" to know say 10 months ago, is a lot more, and a lot different, than what I "need" to know now. Hope that made sense.
Why dig up unnecessary graves? I want to wait, get some good solid positives going, get on firm ground, both her, and us. Then see what I need or want to know. Pretty much SBT, right? Well, that's my interpretation...
And see what she will need to say, and she will, if more than 42% of her old core self returns.
She has apologized, twice, already since spring 2012.
She's fragile right now, I see the guilt, the remorse, for what she has done to the family, the lost time...I see it, hear it woven into her words, though she doesnt express it directly usually. I feel it.
We did have a really strong unsaid "connection" to each other. Mine to her is still there.
The lying, sneaking, concern for her safety and the quality of "men" who would have an affair with a M woman in crisis are my issues, and the loss of feelings for me...not the actual sex part...I am very open-minded there. And infidelity is old as humans, it's not a good thing, but it is there, always has been.
Kinda like RL was more mad about the "intimacy with RT" than, as she said, his dick in her...
(lol, RL DOES crack me up, I hope I'm like that in my 60's!!)
Basically, I am not concerned about getting more apologies, amends, etc, now or in the very near future. I want to wait and see what comes naturally, is offered up, and where I am...then address what needs to be addressed then.
That is where I am, I have learned to be patient, that answers and such will come, they always do. I can wait.
I have my own rough limits and deadlines for waiting, what I need to see. I think it was Starsky (not sure) who posted a long time ago, that he understood it would take time, 6-18 months maybe, but what he needed to see was "trying", his W trying. That was key.
I see W trying.
Hope that is clearer than mud... lol!
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
