I dunno. If had that feminine side and the hardware to go with it, I might never leave the house
Progress is always good, FY. Keep the expectations at zero and the rest will follow.
There will be bumps (not those kind yet!)
I crack me up sometimes
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I know that there are days when this just knocks the wind out of you.
<snip>
This is not easy, my friends. And one day you may not be able to do it anymore. Today is not that day.
UR (and other vets) tell us we will know when we are done. As good as my sitch may look to others here, and even me, I have feelings of being "done" almost every week. It's been two years now since my W has shown me love as a W. I can only take this so long.
Yesterday was one of those days where the wind was knocked out of me. I thought I was done.
This morning I felt better, and decided to send a pizza to W at her workplace for lunch. She called me (which is rare) to tell me she really appreciated it, and was happy that I thought of her. It was genuine. I had a hunch that it would go over well. (disclaimer: doing something like this could easily push away some spouses)
Her reaction made me feel like we still have something, and gave me a little boost to stand.
It truly amazes me that I can go from compassion/love mode one minute, to tired of it all and ready to give up the next. Certainly I'm the first person to ever feel this way.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I like a hot pizza anytime of the day...any place!
W is out of town for three nights, so how about my place?
Quote:
Is your W talking to you more by initiating convos? How's that coming along for you and W?
Maybe a little more convo, it's hard to say. She cycles up and down regarding this. We still have plenty of alone time in the home, but when we do talk, I can see a difference in the eyes. More presence. Not always of course, but more often than before.
My fear, (yep, fear) is that I'll be ForeverStuck in friend zone. Gotta figure a way to turn that high five into a panty removal move.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
W returned from her Vegas trip with GF today. In typical fashion, she told me all about it. We must've talked for over an hour. I have to admit, this openness she has with me about her time away is very comforting. I continue to foster it.
I do wonder why she can sometimes look into my eyes while talking, yet also spends a lot of time looking to the sides, or off in the distant.
Being a frugal spender, she was very concerned about keeping the costs down on this trip. GF was in Vegas for a work convention, so W was able to stay in her room for free! She gambled very little, as that's not her thing, but did see a Cirque du Soleil show which she really enjoyed. Also spent a lot of time working through email. Even brought home a shot glass for me from her resort as a gift!
I can't explain it, but I've been getting momentary, comforting feelings of commitment and eventual reconnection. Like we really will get through this and be even better than before.
Then again, last week I had feelings of being done, so I won't focus on feelings, which are often fleeting. Why does this have to be such a roller coaster ride?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
What fun would life be if not for the ups and downs?
Glad things are looking up, FY!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
FY, this change in feelings is very familiar to me. I had no idea that in your situation (when your W lives in the house and you talk) you also get these feelings of being done. In my sitch (when almost nothing is going on) I do get some glimpses of hope sometimes, then it changes to the feelings of no hope and desire to be done. This is indeed a brutal rollercoaster.
Keep thinking the positive thoughts.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
BF, I've long cycled back and forth on this. Sometimes I go for weeks at the "we're going to make it" end, sometimes not even day. Sometimes it seems the positive periods are getting more often and longer. Other times I'm not really sure!
Besides the lack of physical intimacy, I almost have everything else.
To be honest, the biggest reason I'm still in this is because the options (living alone or starting up with a new partner) are not that appealing to me. I bet W can say the same thing!
Like the vets tell us, just keep on until we can't do it any longer.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I do wonder why she can sometimes look into my eyes while talking, yet also spends a lot of time looking to the sides, or off in the distant.
This is because we MLCers can only handle so much intense emotions. Looking into the spouse's eyes is an intimate activity. When it becomes too much for us, we do the avoidance dance with you.
FY, where are things with you and W right now? Are you sharing the same bed? Do you have any light physical touches? Terms of endearment?
