Thanks bright future I need all the encouragement I can get. It feels like every move you make matters sometimes.....I can chill most of the time but sometimes it's so overwhelming.....
M32 H37 DD1 6 DD2 5 M6 T10 EA 31.08.13 Separated and H moved out 19.09.13 ILYBINILWY 23.09.13 OW 11.13
Oh Callie. You know I for one think you are really kicking this DBing thing in the butt... don't doubt your instincts, you seem to really get this stuff.
And you know, even if once in awhile you make a choice that wasn't the "perfect" option for the scenario and what is best to make your H come running home, sometimes that choice is that is BEST for you. I think with the shopping situation that is the call you made, and it was not a "mistake" it was what you needed. And meeting your own needs and keeping your own head straight seems to me to be WAY more important than making a one time decision to do something with H or not.
You should know by now just by watching me that one misstep (or a dozen) doesn't decide the entire thing... this is a "long game" you have to just pace yourself and do what you need to do to keep playing.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
was just catching up. you sound good. I agree with TG on the shopping. it is what you needed. crazy how we second guess ourselves?? we want so bad to do this DB stuff right.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I'm feeling so sad today. Detachment isn't working so well right now. Wish I just didn't miss my H so much. It's easier when I see him because then I realise MY H isn't there at the moment. But it's still sad.
M32 H37 DD1 6 DD2 5 M6 T10 EA 31.08.13 Separated and H moved out 19.09.13 ILYBINILWY 23.09.13 OW 11.13
CC, sorry you are feeling sad. Isn’t it interesting though that when you don’t see your H you remember him like he was before this started, right. When you see him you realize that the H you knew is not there at the moment.
I caught myself on a similar thought yesterday, when my GF told me that she saw my H at the vacation home place. The way she described his behavior brought me back into the reality. I haven’t seen him for a long time before he came to the house a couple of weeks ago. So, I realized that H is still so much in a partying mood and I could just picture him so vividly. I felt no respect for him at that moment and I felt that I didn’t miss this version of H.
Hang in there. It will get better.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
CC, sorry you're feeling down today. Detachment is so hard. It's also hard to see them go through so many changes. Take care, -cp
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
You've got this. As for DB-ing you are awesomesauce!
He is right there in the spectrum for MLC. Just at the lower end. 35-65. He is approaching forty, and many do at this age .
His constant crying is his confusion and depression. By you pulling back, you are allowing him to feel what he needs to feel. You ARE fortunate, for because your marriage hasn't been as long, he doesn't have years of regret nor built up resentment.
You guys have a good chance, if you trust the process.
Sending hugs this wonderfully cold marnin' <3
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Thanks guys. I'm suffering bad at the minute. I've been so positive, proactive and dedicated to DBing from the start. But the death in my family has really rocked me. I think I'm worried that life is just to short to play these silly games. I want to be with someone that loves me, that cares about me, that wants to be a good father. I don't want to have to remind my husband that he does really love me and that his kids need him.
I really do think my H still loves me. But his fog is thick. This depression has taken a strong hold of him and I'm not sure I can put my life on hold for much longer for him.
I know it's not really on hold, I'm building my life, getting on with things and protecting the kids. But I think if I didn't have to worry about his access with the kids, then I'd be doing things differently.
If this was a traditional split then I wouldn't have him anywhere near my house.....I wonder if that would be easier.....
M32 H37 DD1 6 DD2 5 M6 T10 EA 31.08.13 Separated and H moved out 19.09.13 ILYBINILWY 23.09.13 OW 11.13
Callie, so sorry to hear of the death in your family.
I can see how that affects your thinking with your own sitch.
In regards to the kids and H still being around.... I had the exact same thought the other day about my H.
My H still lives at home....but I wondered if I would have tried so hard and put up with so much crap if we didn't have kids to worry about.
It makes it very hard for us, as moms...and as women. We have to be so strong for not only ourselves, but our kids, as well. It can really make you weary sometimes.
With that said, I think you have done so well with the DBing, in a very sad and tough situation. Your H is very emotional...and that has to be very hard on you. Yet, you've maintained your dignity and class. You've been a rock to your kids.
Remember that the way you feel today may not be how you feel tomorrow. Take care of yourself...and while I have no useful advice or help....I'll send hugs.
