melissag VIII - but I'm afraid to have no fear!

[melissag]

3, thank you for that. I think today is just a no good horrible day for me, and I am hoping that tomorrow will be better, and I can read your post again with a more positive outlook. Right now I just feel exhausted, depressed and hopeless. I had to let my H have the kids tonight and I really didn't want to. I want them with me and I am so unbearably sad about the fact that they are going to have to split their time with me and H, forever. I skipped TKD today because I am not feeling well; I dropped off the kids and then waited in my car until I saw H pull in, then I left. I couldn't even see him - I don't know how I will look him in the eye again.

I don't understand how he can have a family who loves him and wants him to come back, kids who need a family, and a wife who is willing to do whatever it takes to make things work - and choose a different life, so that he doesn't have to fulfill any expectations.

I feel like I am back at BD again, when I had no hope.

I know my son doesn't have to turn out like his father, but my H sure did - even though he HATED what his father did (leaving two families). I don't want the same thing to happen to my sweet boy. He is a sensitive kid and it is going to CRUSH him to know that Daddy is not coming home.

The more I think about it, the more I think that H really does mean what he says. There were plenty of times I questioned whether he wanted to be married. I really think he just doesn't like having to discuss things with anyone else, just wants to do whatever the F he wants. I don't think he is going to change his mind, at least not with me.

I don't know how I am going to get through this. I know I will somehow because I have no choice but I feel pretty bad about my chances for happiness right now. Ugh.