Quote: They come home with any number of reservations in their mind. They resent feeling guilty about what they've done. They fear never being forgiven, they fear "THE PAYBACK" that might await THEM from us...They fear their own inability to make the R work again, they resent the fact that they will have to face the hideous consequences of their dispicable and childish choices...they can barely look at themselves and they can barely stand to have us looking at them.
It's hard on them too. We are the mirror of the greatest human failings of their life...and now, they have to figure out how to live with themselves and live with us too.
They act standoffish as a defense mechanism for thier guilt. They don't want to appear grateful for the second chance, lest we throw it in thier face eventually. They made the decisions they made because they couldn't face us and tell us what they needed BEFORE they made the choice to fail...so it's foolish for us to think that now after all the collateral damage they've caused that they can rally enough empathy for us when the vast majority of their energy is still focused on themselves.
I could see that look in my W's eyes the other day when she kept saying she wouldn't backpedal about trying again.
I could see the guilt on her face when her s hugged and kissed me and said he loved me.
We want them to come back because we love them and it is such a fight to get them back.
Unfortunately, we don't realize that is going to be 2x as hard when they come back. Their guilt and fear our lack of trust.
I still want it to happen but I'm nervous about it too.
