Reading your 5 point list I see lot of me several months ago. You are starting to realize things and that’s the real first step in all of this. Most of us LBH tends to work our a$$ off at first – cleaning, laundry, gardening whatever we think will change WAWs decision in a split second. IRL it’s not (or rarely) these things that this is all about.
This is about the things you list (or likewise) and if you start working that list you might just find a new list underneath the first one and so on. It takes time and you are still just a few months into this.
When you start digging you will also find that the items you list demands an awful lot of work compared to the cleaning, laundry, whatever list. IT TAKES TIME!! But it is doable if you start doing it! Sure you will make mistakes and that’s a part of the process, so do NOT beat yourself because of this. Get back on the horse and continue down the path you select for you!
If you want to be a better listener then practice. Practice with friends, children, bus driver – everybody! Read about listeningskills. Practice, do, evaluate, develop!
To me your last post might be you starting to get this and that is truly the first and hard step – took me several months just to get there!
The big question is therefore: What are you going to do about the list???
About the bed! I think you did wrong when you moved her things out but not when you decided to sleep in the bed!
The way you moved her things could come out harsh, demonstrative or likewise. I think you should have just looked her in the eyes and told her “W, I want to sleep in my bed. Feel free (and safe) to join me – otherwise I will gladly help you get your stuff where you want it” …and then go to bed! (To sleep - nothing else!!!)
You might would have chosen a day or two after she cleaned the house
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
