melissag VIII - but I'm afraid to have no fear!

[melissag]

BUT, being angry and developing resentment will. I know you're venting to us, but I'd like to say that calling him names will only hurt you. You're letting him control your feelings. If you're going to be angry, feel it, acknowledge it, say "hi anger, I see you, now get outta my way!". Just try not to resort to name calling. I know it's hard(I had to go to therapy because of it), but you're better than that.

Well . . . we all know anger = hurt. And this really hurt me. No, I won't hold on to the anger, and of course I shared none of it at all with my H. I really just came here and spewed my feelings just to get them out. Now that they are out, I can start to look at the real issue, which is the underlying hurt, and determine where to go from there.

I feel your pain... It feels like it's over. If you want to hope, have hope knowing that no one knows the future. Yep, not even your h. He can say all the absolutes he wants, but he has no clue what the future holds.

Thanks for this. I find it interesting how many times he has contradicted himself already. I don't know why he is arrogant enough to think that he knows what will happen 6 months from now, or a year, or five or ten. I mean, granted, I say I will never get married again but I know full well that is a product of the hurt I am feeling now, and I would never make a life altering decision based on it. (You don't see me joining a nunnery, do you?)

If there is anything I learned from the last time she left me. It's the famous line... . "Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared". Ill add that not only are they hurting or scared, but they've lost their minds.

Yes. I keep trying to make sure I am not the crazy one, but I am pretty sure it is H. A normal person doesn't just decide after 11 years of marriage that he doesn't want to be in a relationship that has obligations and expectations, ever, AND deliver this news with no apparent remorse or concern for the collateral damage. Unless he's a raging narcissist, I guess.

Just be prepared to hear your h say those things to you again when things bounce back to normal. I'm still waiting for my situation to bounce back to normal.

I am sure he will bring it (meaning D) up again. I know I won't.