Wife Said She's Done - Pt. 2 ..and Still Hopeful

[OneDay]

So I had a great time this weekend out in the woods. We didn't get any Quail, but I had a great time and ate some really good food. I tried not to think about WAW, but I thought about her and our relationship a lot. I guess because it was sooo quiet out there.

I did however, come to the realization that Im not good at DB'ing and Im having a hard time changing my ways and doing 180's. I realize that I need to do them, not for her, but for myself. I can see the way I've been acting was/is not good for anyone, including my family, job, friends, and relationships. But, it is really hard to change your ways when you've been acting this way for so long. It just feels normal (does that make sense)

I know for sure that;
1. I Tend to focus on her flaws and try to validate she was the problem (or atleast part of it)
2. I always feel the need to be right (especially if I'm accused of something) and will go to great lengths to prove it. (I will do this with most people)
3. I'm not really listening to her and I tend to change the focus back to myself.(sandi's rule number 31)
4. Im keeping score
5. Im still acting selfishly and I know for sure thats what she's seeing.

Sure I quit Drinking and Dipping, but that was only part of problems. I can now see it was way deeper than that and haven't even begun to change. Drinking every night was a very Selfish thing to do, and I finally realize that. Sure, I've became more patient with my kids, but thats about it.

I've been fairly dark around WAW, I am very vague in my whereabouts and with most questions she asks. I know that sometimes I come across as cold and angry. I really dont talk much and spend a lot of time avoiding my WAW. I dont think these actions are showing her a man that only a fool would leave. If anything I think they are solidify her decision to divorce.

Last night didnt go so well either. I could use an opinion if I was off base and selfish here. After my long weekend camping I was exhausted and getting ready for bed. I grabbed the blow up mattress, sheets/blankets and her pillows and brought them in the living room. I then asked her and I quote "do you have everything you need from the room, because Im going to bed" I thought her head was going to explode and she replied with "What, your sleeping in the bed tonight? I just busted my A$$ cleaning all weekend and you got to go off and play". (I've been sleeping on the blow up for a month now) I said I understand, and that I really want to sleep in a bed and need a good a night sleep. She then replied with you are an arrogant a$$. I then told her she was more than welcome to sleep in the bed too, but she said "yea, thats not happening"

Any thought/comments are always greatly appreciated.