melissag VIII - but I'm afraid to have no fear!

[2ndTimeHurt]

Thank you so much, everyone. Your posts mean the world to me.

I am still shocked. I don't understand how someone can think - let alone, say - something like this. Just how arrogant does someone have to be in order to feel entitled to be free of expectations and obligations, and apparently not notice or care about the effects it has on others? Am I just naive??

Are you gonna throw in the towel or continue with the marathon? Ironically, acting like you've thrown in the towel is part of the marathon.

I am not sure what this means . . . I am certainly not going to stop working on me, or my GALing. Most of my 180s were things that I thought I needed to change about myself anyway (like being less perfectionist and controlling), but I haven't really considered to what extent I will try to keep him happy otherwise (though clearly there will be no sex).

How would I act differently based on whether I am throwing in the towel or staying the course? I most definitely have zero interest in pursuing other relationships now or, as it feels like now, ever. And I will not file for D, nor help push it along. I do not want a D, so H will have to do that on his own. I will participate only to make sure that my kids and I are getting the most we are possibly entitled to. (Don't get me started on how screwed I am going to be financially, after giving up my career to be a SAHM as part of the deal with H, which he is now reneging on.)

The question really for me is how much time I want to spend with H. Right now, I don't even want to see his arrogant, self centered, narcissistic face. But I don't know what is the best thing to do for me or my kids. I need to think about it.

I have way too much to think about and it's overwhelming. I am going to have to get a job, sell the house, live a much less affluent lifestyle, and see my kids a whole lot less. There is nothing good about this. I just feel like saying FML. If only I wasn't sick and could go for a run. Argh.

Your reply is pretty much what I thought you'd say. Part of staying the course is to not do things that would pretty much destroy all chances at a reconciliation. Going dim, working on yourself, and even dating won't destroy your chances. BUT, being angry and developing resentment will. I know you're venting to us, but I'd like to say that calling him names will only hurt you. You're letting him control your feelings. If you're going to be angry, feel it, acknowledge it, say "hi anger, I see you, now get outta my way!". Just try not to resort to name calling. I know it's hard(I had to go to therapy because of it), but you're better than that.

I feel your pain... It feels like it's over. If you want to hope, have hope knowing that no one knows the future. Yep, not even your h. He can say all the absolutes he wants, but he has no clue what the future holds. Our timelines and situations are similar. Bd around the same time, moved out around the same time, acted like everything was family fun time, we even got the "it's over, I'm never coming back" around the same time. Well, my ex said she doesn't want to give me hope and then withdrew, but same idea.

If there is anything I learned from the last time she left me. It's the famous line... . "Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared". Ill add that not only are they hurting or scared, but they've lost their minds.

Just be prepared to hear your h say those things to you again when things bounce back to normal. I'm still waiting for my situation to bounce back to normal.