melissag VIII - but I'm afraid to have no fear!

[melissag]

OK, I guess the shock wore off. Now I am a mess. I am back to that feeling where I wish the ground would open and swallow me up. I want to take my kids out of school and run away with them.

I don't understand how a person can do this. Fine, back out of your promises, be a selfish jerk, and ruin my life. But my poor kids. They don't deserve this. And I feel like the worst mother on earth because I can't protect them from this. They are going to be so angry and hurt when H tells them (and he will be telling them himself) that he is not coming back in May. How can you do that to sweet, innocent children? They will bear the scars of this forever.

I hate him. And I feel like my life is just going to suck until I get old enough to die.

I have an IC, a DB coach, several very good friends, and this board. A great support system. But I still feel completely hopeless.