I need to get my journey back on track. The holidays were nice, but I need to refocus. Here are goals for the next few days/weeks:
1. Continue to embrace the current state of my life. I have gone five days without my rings. I am getting used to the loss of my safety blanket.
2. If people ask, acknowledge that H and I are separated. I have thought that if we could just keep it a secret, we could get through this without people knowing. Except, we may never" get through this." I need to start living with this reality.
3. Be decisive. My H will say "what do you want to do." In an effort to be easy going, I always say "it does not matter to me." I know that it drives H crazy. I do have opinions and I need to start expressing them. I will live if I get shot down.
4. GAL. The next two months are crazy with birthdays, work trips for H and myself. I am hosting a baby shower, going on a ski weekend with the kids and my family. Should be fun and provide a good distraction to help with No. 1.
5. Eliminate the awkwardness with H during our time together. I have been so uptight worrying about what H thinks and if I am being a doormat, etc. For the moment, I am okay with family time. Now I just need to be myself and have a PMA.
