Thanks, BF, for bringing that up. Early in our M he would have rushed home, I think. Later, we would have discussed the best thing to do and it probably would have been the same as it turned out this time.
I think you are right. I - maybe a lot of us - tend to look at things differently or with a different emphasis than before BD. To be perfectly honest, his behavior for the past couple of months has been pretty much the same as before OW was in picture. He only started acting weird about a month before I found out about her, though, so he hid things for about 4 months ... he can hide things fairly well when he wants to - just not for long.
I know my h is very comfortable where he is. He has everything he wants at the moment. Life over there, no problems with me over here and businesses running smoothly on both sides of the ocean. How could he not be comfortable? As far as OW, I have no idea where that issue stands. And he is still very secretive about bank and credit card accounts. He talks about his social life over there, but I don't know how much is left out, if you know what I mean.
In the meantime, he thinks - or has convinced himself - that all I do is sit on my butt and watch TV ... that I have no life. He has been here a total of about 25 days, spread over 4 visits, in the past 6 months and he thinks he knows how I live here without him?? He is never here and has no idea how much or what I do or don't do and then has the nerve to tell me I need to GAL. I suspect that he compares my life to his "party" life and thinks mine is lacking because I'm not out every night drinking and carrying on with friends. I wonder who he thinks painted the family room or cleaned up the flower beds at summer's end or re-decorated the guest room he sleeps in or arranged the office Christmas party, etc. etc. etc?
His life before he went to La-La land pretty much consisted of plopping down in front of the tv every night or playing xBox on the weekends (I would watch tv with him in the evenings or go do something on my own during xBox time.) He now thinks that was an awful way to live and apparently still thinks I made him live that way and continue to do so myself. (Yes, at one point he actually tried to make it my fault that he wasted his weekends playing xBox games!) When he is here, it is never long enough to establish that I don't live my life the way I used to when I was actually accommodating him!
I guess in my case, not talking about what I'm doing and trying to be mysterious is not a good approach. He gets no information that would challenge his notion that I have no life and that life back home with me would be boring.
How do I deal with that one??
Sorry for the run-on post. Today is my anniversary and I am more than a little down. Thanks for listening.
2T2M
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
