melissag VIII - but I'm afraid to have no fear!

[melissag]

I know I have a lot of emotions to process about this.

Right now, I am not even hurt. I am disgusted. I haven't even gotten to how I feel about myself. I am thinking about how badly he is hurting my sweet innocent children. And beyond that, the example he is setting for them. I am so angry that he is putting his selfish desire to do whatever he wants whenever he wants before his children, who don't deserve any of this. And it scares the crap out of me, that he is turning out just like his Dad, (who, ironically, he thinks is a selfish, narcissistic jackass), because I do NOT want that for my sweet S7.

Today may well be the worst day of my life so far. I got literally zero sleep last night. Too much thinking and also I am pretty sure I have a sinus infection and possibly bronchitis - I feel like hell. So there goes all my GAL, and therefore my PMA. I let H take the kids out for dinner last night thinking that would be the make up night, but now he wants them three MORE nights this week.

I am afraid that his parenting is going to be just like our marriage - it's something he tells himself he should do, or it's the person he wants to be, but he is actually too selfish to really do it. He has said as much to me a few months ago - that he isn't sure how he feels about the kids - is he really a good Dad, or if that was just something he thought he should be, since his Dad sucked and he promised himself he wouldn't be like that; or if he is too selfish for that.

I am heartbroken for my kids.

How did I marry such a selfish [censored]?

Oh, and why is he on match.com? Or 3, why does your H have an OW? Do they think that they are going to find a woman who will be in a relationship with no obligations or expectations? WTF?

I'm sorry if I sound bitter. But right now, I [censored] hate him.