I'm Still Standing

[complicated]

Hi all, I commented on Linda's thread as it seems we will be in the same boat for a while. My h is filing this month.

Through all of his IC he still believe's I'm the problem in our marriage and him. I have always treated him poorly etc etc. The same message we have all gotten.

My situation fully took hold in 2010 when my oldest daughter went to college. I wasn't there to take her because I was with our middle daughter visiting a college for her. He will never forgive me for that. Long story I believe he had already started his affair with OW which I believe is probably still going on but what good is it to dwell on it.

He doesn't answer texts or phone calls which makes it very difficult to parent our kids who are older but believe me issues still come up.

I think it is probably going to get ugly because he can't forgive. He holds on to everything and remembers things I did that he didn't like when we were first married, 26 years ago. I truly believe this is part of the reason he is not happy. Now he has to live with the fact he had an affair.

The holidays were very tough. I am committed to not date until the d is final because I just think it is best for all involved. I believe God will look out for me as well as all of my friends and family. It is so hard to totally detach because of the kids. I have gotten a personal trainer to help me get back in shape and hopefully more energy. I am chalking it up to depression but I need to start doing more for me besides just going out. Not to mention exercise is good for me anyway.

I haven't been posting because I have been trying to deal with all of this. I hope all of you find what you are looking for. Part of me believes that H is going to regret this because there have been no less than 5 times when he was ready to work on us. Get out the 2x4's but we had sex several times over the last 1.5 years that he moved out and I don't believe in a minute that he didn't feel anything.

We had been going through a divorce before he moved out and we both called it off to make sure and he moved out at that time. I guess he knows what he is doing. He says he still is not happy and he has realized through is counselor that it has been going on long before the issues with our oldest daughter and I am the cause of his unhappiness.

I certainly hope he finds happiness. I also hope someday he realizes that I wasn't the cause of his unhappiness and our marital breakdown was not all my fault. It really hurts that he still feels that way.

Here's to a better year this year for all of us!!!!