Reaching out for support and advice 2

[bluesgal]

Ok, I know I'm going to mess this up, but I would like some help. I know that many of us on these boards live with our spouses while the spouses engage in EA/PA. This is a boundary of mine. I don't want to be in a relationship with my H if he continues his PA.

The problem is that my H continues to lie to me about it. (Busted by my snooping....I know, I know) If he lies again, I would like to ask him to leave. I don't want to live under the same roof as a lier and a cheater. I know that many of my feelings are normal, but my actions are against DB. Both of our counselors have advised us to tell our D15 about H affair so that she can understand why our household has been turned upside down and to hold H accountable for his actions. I know this is also against DB, but right now, he's cake eating as far as I'm concerned.

The household, our reputations, friendships are all maintained and he gets to have OW to hold and have intimacy while I sleep alone every night. I could not snoop. I could go on as if. I could do my best PMA, but the only thing that would keep me from enforcing my boundary would be me turning a blind eye to the obvious.

So, my choices are

a) Turn blind eye, in essence tolerating the A and hope it ends and H comes back to family

b) Continue to snoop and torture myself. See the evidence of the A and act on it. Ultimately forcing him to make a decision which may not be in my family's favor or

c) ?? What are my other choices?


I wish I was better at this. I do all of the DB stuff, but knowing I am being lied to is awful and I don't feel like I can live with it. I feel like I deserve so much better than this. Do I have to stop snooping and pretend like the A is not happening?