Wif wants Divorce, I do Not 2

[tough spot]

With my wife when i speak to her about R, I have an agenda. Her feelings haven't changed yet/if ever, so my agenda doesn't get met (some sort of answer that would lead me to believe we aren't still going to get a divorce). So when that doesn't happen, I get emotional pain and probably help push her away to boot.

In addition, I can't stop totally talking about R because for me I hate leaving things out of my control. So when I talk to her I am trying to control the situation/make it so she won't divorce me.

That is some of what makes it so hard. I love to have the illusion of control and want to hear what I want to hear. So at this stage, for my own benefit, it is best not to say anything at all that is R related.

By no means have I been totally successful. But when I do stick to mostly d'bing, life day to day is easier/less painful. Now by saying 'less painful' it is almost like choosing between being knifed and shot.....so not really a huge benefit