not as scared or confused. . still hopeful (II)

[labug]

I give you a star, too.

His actions in no way define you.

[bluesgal]

Hey Julie, I feel your frustration/hurt. Can I ask you what the blatant reminder of OW was?

I'm glad that he is acknowledging his drinking and committing to abstain. Did he decide this on his own? Did he talk to you about it?

I know you are being the best person/mother you can be. Star for you.

[juliegayle]

Ok I will admit that what I called a "blatant reminder" is partially fabrication but I was in a mood. He was parading around in this hideous hand knit sweater that was something that my H would never have ever worn and he refused to tell me where it came from. Also he is making a wood carving of a something that he told me (back before A began) that she really loves. It is the kind of sweet romantic thing he used to do for me. I know studies show most A end within a year but it just seems he is getting deeper and deeper and I don't think I can ever regain trust or respect. The man I married, I thought, had enough integrity to at least be honest and not continually lie about a full blown relationship.

I am glad about the drinking though. I hope he can keep it up this time. He didn't talk to me about it but he told the kids. If he is able to keep it up at least I won't have to worry about him being alone with s.

[bluesgal]

Julie-
I have to say that you amaze me with your strength. I agree that we have very similar H. The anger/insults/blame never end. I am just absolutely amazed at some of the horrible things that my H says to me. The last time I told my H that I needed something from him, he walked up to me and gave me the middle finger.

Just awful. Who does that?? Certainly not the person I walked down the aisle with.

I am glad that your H acknowledged his drinking. I wish he treated you better. You handle his anger so well. I wonder if that's why he continues to be so cruel? It's hard to justify his actions when he has a W that is patient and kind and a great mother. His anger is his issue.

And I totally 'get' your blatant reminder. It's the little things sometimes. Do you know the OW? How do they know each other? I believe that A die a natural death. They are built on a crumbled foundations and fulfilled by people that bring issues to the table.

[juliegayle]

Ughh Blues sorry he is being mean. Are you still using your calendar? Every day that you think and avoid unnecessary confrontation, honor and put yourself and kids first, and allow your light to rise to the surface no matter what is going on around you. .. you are getting stronger.

I built S a giant bristle block tower do he can find it in the morning. I spent 30 min and it was really fun. I am trying to find things that I can focus on that will keep me in the moment. I am trying yoga. Trying knitting but not doing very well. Haha

[labug]

Julie, good for you, finding little fun things to keep you in the moment.

Keep the focus on you, whether he drinks or doesn't, you continue your path.

[loualea]

Hi Julie

If you make a commitment as big as marriage you work things out together.

I haven't posted for a while I have been alone a lot.. H did not turn up for Christmas or New year Did not give me enough notice to organise anything else even though I asked several times.
He lies- all the time and rewrites history and magnifies my errors and only focuses on the negative and I am over it actually today anyway
But your comment I grabbed is one I need. He says he wnats to be alone because that is what he wants! He was under pressure and no one noticed ( because he did not tell anyone maybe!) so now he needs to be alone and look after himself.Except he has OW staying over weekends .. today my thought is whatever ...

I thought your words just hit a chord for me.. I have said to him marriage is about 2 people.. he looks amazed.. He can't see how you work on a marriage...

You sound like you are being tough and strong..and you have the energy to post and support others.. thanks for the hullo cheered up a crappy day..

[juliegayle]

We got the invite to a wedding in his family today. I knew it was coming. I know it is stupid but seeing the invite with our names together in pretty calligraphy made me so sad. I asked him what he wanted to do about it and he just said " I guess I'll go." I hate this.

[3boymom]

Hugs Julie!! It is always the little things that catch me off guard and hurt

[bluesgal]

"I guess I'll go"

Eh, the lack of genuine emotion gets so old. I just want to say "Oh you poor little victim, sorry marriage is tough"

If you go together, get a nice/sexy dress and tear up the dance floor. You can have a great time. He can choose to be miserable.

I hate this too.