Hopeful - how are you?! It has been a long time, friend! I confess letting someone "in" again scares me more than anything.
WR, your H is a fool to let you go. You are awesome and I am wishing you all the best, too.
AJ, you always give me something to think about. And you are right, the barometer isn't really him, it's me. When do I not want to continue this touch and go business. Wish I knew the answer to that!
I didn't mean to sound like a journalist. That comment was borne out of a dicussion that Bright and I had way back when about the challenges of being in a long distance relationship (for lack of a better word) We don't get to have the normal clues and neither of us have enough contact with our partners to be able to distinguish between a touch and go and a sincere attempt at a genuine response. At least not until its been over and done with for a while. For example, when Skippy called after an 8 month silence, I though maybe a reconnection. Nope, touch and go. It would just be nice to have some sorta clue.
Bright, I wish this wasn't happening to you, but I am sure glad you are with me, my friend. I don't feel like my feelings are so strange when yours are so similar. In some ways we become stronger because of their absence in our lives but in some ways we are thrown for a bigger loop when they reappear!
Nero, I hear you. I was following your discussion with Dawn on her thread when she said that she was a bit worried that she would be so DONE and then her H would wake up - a day late. I think the same, sometimes. At the very beginning of all this, I thought I may have imagined how strong our bond was. But if he is still "touching and going" after 18 months, I could not have imagined it all by myself.
But he IS dreaming if he thinks this is a friendship! Like you, if he was a friend and treated me this way, he wouldn't be anymore. At least not without some serious grovelling. (Never could hold a grudge).
My hope for 2014 is to see some movement one way or the other for this sitch. For me to be fully and completely done, for him to be or for us to be slowly reconnecting in a recognizable way. I am not sure how realistic that is, but that is what I hope.
I cannot thank you all enough and are glad you are with me. I tend to view things regarding Skippy in a negative light. I will need you to balance that. Not to give me false hope but to see things realistically. Where there is a small step from him or where he is playing me. At the very least, I would like to be at a place of forgiveness and to lose the anger that creeps up on me every so often. Because that is the only way I am going to be able to fully let go and never look back.
