Months after H left the house, she admitted she was suicidal. She wasn't cutting, but admitted she thought about slitting her wrists in the shower. Within 24 hours I had her with a psychiatrist. I took it very seriously. We removed all the guns and knives from the house. She started a low dose of AD.
The depression lifted, but was replaced with rage.
She started acting out the rage in the October after the suicide scare. She was very disrespectful to me, full of rage... I learned she was smoking marijuana and drinking a lot (my H is alcoholic/drug addicted) and having sex with multiple partners.
One night, she got physical with me and unleashed a tirade of obscenities at me. I called the sheriff. She was arrested and spent the weekend in jail.
She went to a different counselor. The probation did what I couldn't. I was parenting alone and the court system acted as a dad. The jail experience scared her enough she didn't drink or use drugs. We had a rough six months until she graduated from high school. Luckily, for me, the probation lasted through the time she went to college--I was given some parenting help with this and she continued counseling.
She is now in college. I worked really hard to make sure financial aid allowed for college and she chose somewhere no one else she knew was attending. She started over on her own. I'm so proud of her.
She is thriving. She is in a sorority, head of the pledge class, great grades, planning a trip to Ireland...things are going well.
I know that part of her struggle was my struggle. I wasn't showing her how to be strong and FEEL the feelings. I was hiding and she was scared because she, then, didn't have any parents. She lost us both for awhile. Once I stood up for myself and pushed myself to face what I was scared of...that's when I saw her relax and walk through the feelings.
I don't want you to take this as a reason to beat yourself up. There's no statute of limitations on grief. We have faced he!! and the ramifications of what we've been through is enough to bring even the strongest of us to our knees. Don't beat yourself up.
You have shown your kids strength in walking through the fire. Maybe now the time is right to show them a different kind of strength.
Treat this very seriously--in doing this--getting her help quickly--removing knives from the house or putting them away--this tells her how she is valued. She will know that you love her and will not take even the smallest risk in losing her.
She is 17. She must seek counseling if you insist. DO NOT WAIT UNTIL HER BIRTHDAY. You have the power now to force her hand. USE IT. She will thank you for it later.
My daughter recently told me she appreciates how I had her jailed...HAD HER JAILED. She thanked me because she understands now why I did it. She sees how scared I was for her and how I needed to know she wouldn't walk the same the path as her dad. Be strong. You can handle this.
Much Love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
