SM - 'Stander basically encapsulated everything that I wanted to say to you. The reasons why she left are still there....maybe not the things in YOU that pushed her away, but the things in HER. Man, I wish I could tell you face-to-face, man-to-man that you absolutely, positively, without a doubt 100% need to get help from a counselor as you attempt to weave this thing back together. It's not an option - it is a must. It's more important than anything she can do to make amends, or anything you can suggest for her to read. The reason I think I am this passionate about it (as you know) is that when XW moved back in last spring we DIDN'T do this and it condemned us to failure - I am almost sure of it. I sincerely want better for you, your wife and your daughter.
I know the feeling of euphoria (mixed with latent hurt and anger) that pops up in this phase because you just want to call this nightmare officially over and move on with your lives together - holy sh*t was I "there" last March. Look at it this way, the house is no longer "on fire" but it is smoldering, burned to the foundation and is not yet ready to be inhabited. You have to put out all the hot spots, rebuild the frame, paint, and fill it with new stuff.
I wish I could build a time machine and go back and tell myself all of this when I needed to know it - but I CAN tell you. Please make sure you get help.
